"When raising two little girls, my husband and I adopted a minimalist approach to our parenting. With two under our roof, our focus is on survival, and we are comfortable cutting out that which does not make our lives easier, simpler, and more straightforward. But there was always one non-negotiable on our schedules: family dinners. We knew about the research-based benefits of eating dinner as a family, and I clung to the idea that family dinners had to mean slow family meals around a kitchen table.
However, regular family dinners started to feel out of reach and created more stress once our family had two kids in different activities that started at different times. Our evenings became a lot more chaotic than the days of feeding the baby purees in her highchair. And as the WFH and default parent, I couldn’t keep up with the end of the work day and making a homemade meal with a deadline of a 6 p.m. soccer practice or 5 p.m. gymnastics pick-up.
So my husband staged an intervention. He suggested we get a bit more flexible with what a standing family dinner meant in our home. We didn’t need to be a “kitchen table family” talking over our day in the formal dining room every night. Rather, we needed to give ourselves a break and find other ways to connect with our kids during the day. But I was skeptical. Could we still get the benefits of regular family meals without the traditional “kitchen table” approach? I asked Dr. Helen Egger, Chief Scientific & Medical Officer and Cofounder of Little Otter, for some expert advice on how to reap the benefits of family dinner when it’s not possible to gather around the table every night. Let’s dig in.
Dr. Helen Egger, Chief Scientific & Medical Officer and Cofounder of Little Otter
Dr. Helen Egger is the Co-founder and Chief Medical & Scientific Officer at Little Otter. She is a child psychiatrist who has been a leader in the field of child mental health for more than 30 years. Previously, she was Division Chief for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at Duke Medicine and Chair of the Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Director of the NYU Child Study Center at NYU Langone Health.
The Benefits of Eating Dinner as a Family
After decades of studying families and their eating habits, researchers link regular, shared meals to stronger families, higher academic achievements, emotional well-being, and bolstered health. Pretty significant claims for such a simple thing, right? And having family dinners together every night is a great goal, to be sure.
“From a developmental perspective, the most important benefit of family meals is the connection it fosters for every member of the family,” said Dr. Egger. “Children thrive on predictable, emotionally safe moments with their caregivers, which is exactly what family meals offer. It doesn’t matter if you cook a meal from scratch or order pizza. What matters is the regular rhythm of coming together, even briefly, to check in and be present with each other.”
“From a developmental perspective, the most important benefit of family meals is the connection it fosters for every member of the family.”
For even the youngest members of our families, gathering around the table to share a meal can pay big dividends. Here are some benefits of eating dinner as a family even in the baby and toddler years:
Boosts Language Skills
Sharing a meal together exposes babies and young children to conversational turn-taking. In short, they learn how people respectfully talk with and listen to one another.
When we break bread together, we’re often catching each other up on our days and planning for what lies ahead. Studies have linked this dinnertime dialogue to a huge boost in our little ones’ vocabularies. In fact, researchers have found family dinners to be more effective at building language than reading out loud to our children.
Promotes Healthier Food Choices
Children who eat at home with their families make healthier food choices. A recent survey of kids age 9-14 shows that those who enjoy regular meals with family typically consume more fruits and veggies and less of the unhealthy stuff, such as fried foods and saturated fats.
Family mealtime also allows parents the opportunity to coax kids into being more adventurous eaters. With more control over the menu, parents can work to comfortably expand their children’s horizons—without risk of a public meltdown.
Making Family Meals Work
The list of benefits above makes me feel a little bit nostalgic for my late ‘80s and early ‘90s childhood— and a little guilty. I grew up as a “kitchen table family” and have so many memories of stories, laughter, and big family moments happening around our oval oak kitchen table. But is it possible we really ate dinner together every night? Or did we mostly eat dinner together, and the collection of memories feel like it was a nightly tradition?
If this type of daily togetherness feels a bit disconnected from the realities of your life, you’re not alone. First, the majority of U.S. households have two working parents who are likely trying to split duties like meal prep and planning. Second, many kids are overscheduled in multiple activities or travel sports. The days of independent outdoor play and “heading home when the street lights come on” are gone.
Instead, parents—myself included—are scrambling to finish the work day, eat, then taxi their kids to their next activity. How can families still get some of the benefits of family dinners if they can’t realistically sit around a table every night? Dr. Egger shared that this is one of the most common questions she hears from families in her work—and one of the most important. “The good news? The benefits of connection don’t depend on sitting around a table at 6 p.m. sharp every day.”
Micro-Moments Build Emotional Closeness Over Time
“What matters most is not the setting, but the moment of presence. A 10-minute breakfast before school, chatting during a car ride, or sharing a snack while folding laundry can all be meaningful opportunities for connection. These ‘micro-moments’ build emotional closeness over time. It’s OK if family dinner doesn’t happen every night. Think of connection as cumulative; it really adds up.”
“It’s OK if family dinner doesn’t happen every night. Think of connection as cumulative; it really adds up.”
Meaningful Connection Doesn’t Have to Be Deep
“Meaningful doesn’t have to mean serious or deep. The goal is to create a space where your child feels safe enough to share,” said Dr. Egger. “Open-ended questions are a great place to start: ‘What was something funny that happened today?’ or ‘Did anything make you feel proud?’ These small prompts invite reflection without pressure.”
Be Present
“Family meals aren’t about performance, they’re about presence,” said. Dr. Egger. Which is also another reason us parents should put down our phones at mealtimes.
“Whether you’re sitting down for dinner or eating granola bars in the car on the way to practice, what matters most is that your child feels emotionally connected to you. At Little Otter, we see every day how even small moments of attunement have a lasting impact on a child’s mental health and development.”
Make a Ritual
“Many families enjoy rituals at meals that help children and parents connect,” said Dr. Egger. “Families might start the meal with a blessing or other expressions of gratitude for being together and for the food. Other families might ask about each other’s day by playing a game like ‘rose, thorn, bud.’ You ask your children to share their rose (best or most special part of their day), their thorn (the most difficult part of their day), and their bud (what they are looking forward to right now). You can use other metaphors like highs and lows, peaks and pits.”
“Families might start the meal with a blessing or other expressions of gratitude for being together and for the food. Other families might ask about each other’s day by playing a game like ‘rose, thorn, bud.’”
“A great resource for conversation starters, ideas, and advice is The Family Dinner Project, a nonprofit initiative started in 2010 that champions family dinner as an opportunity for family members to connect with each other.” The Everymom also has a list of family dinner conversation starters to build this connection.
“Try making these kinds of check-ins part of your daily rhythm—whether it’s at dinner, during bedtime, or on the walk home from school. When children know they’ll have regular opportunities to talk and be heard, they become more comfortable opening up. And remember: It’s not about getting a perfect answer from your kids; it’s about staying curious, being available, and showing your child that what they think and feel matters.”
Take the Pressure Off
“Focus on building connection in whatever way works for your family,” said Dr. Egger. “These moments, no matter how brief, are the building blocks of resilience, trust, and emotional well-being for the entire family.”
I might have to hand this one to my husband—he just might have been right about adjusting our expectations for family dinners, after all.
Kathy Sisson, Senior Editor
Kathy Sisson has been a key contributor in the editorial parenting space for eight years, not only as a full-time editor at The Everymom but previously as a freelance writer for top parenting sites, including Scary Mommy, Motherly, Parent Co., and more. As an editor at The Everymom, she has produced hundreds of articles on a range of parenting topics, reviewed dozens of family-focused products, interviewed leading experts in the children and parenting world, and created viral parenting social media content. A mom of two, she is committed to sharing the honest, helpful, and often humorous stories of motherhood.
Lizzie Goodman, Contributing Writer
Lizzie is an editor and writer specializing in pregnancy, child development, and parenting. She lives in Chicago with her husband and two young daughters in a funny old house filled with books.