"There are many rites of passage when becoming a father: the night feedings, surviving that first wicked diaper change, getting spit up on, and coming up with the perfect pun for your Instagram announcement. But in your quest to become the World’s Greatest Dad, there’s one final hurdle that trumps them all. One rite that definitively proves your mastery of the fatherhood arts: flying with your baby.
Is it daunting? Yes.
Is it possible? Also yes!
Is it rewarding? Well, they say anything you survive only makes you stronger.
From wheels-up to touch-down, being a dad flying with a baby will put all of your skills to the test. Whether it’s packing your carry-on, dealing with the flight crew, or changing a diaper in the world’s LITERAL smallest bathroom (seriously, why are they like that?!), there is a litany of challenges when you’re flying with a baby. But with a little planning, foresight, and flexibility, I promise that you can survive relatively unscathed.
I’ve flown alone with my 18-month-old a number of times already. As I write this, I’m planning to fly across the country with her yet again, so I implore you to learn from my mistakes. In this comprehensive guide for dads flying with a baby for the first time, we’ll explore the essential do’s and don’ts from a dad who’s been there.
Do: Prepare to be judged
You may be a veritable superhero when it comes to fatherhood. A nap-time ninja who’s mastered the art of the one-handed diaper changes. But if you’re flying with a baby—especially if you’re flying alone—the world’s perception of you changes drastically.
As you carry your bundle of joy around an airplane, the world no longer sees you as a capable and loving father, but as a Cro-Magnon man who can barely walk and chew gum at the same time. Gate agents will be astounded as you form coherent sentences! Walking to your seat will inspire flight attendants to condescend to you with a cacophony of “great jobs”! As you care for your child, fellow passengers will wince at your every move like you’re a gorilla handling a Fabergé egg.
However you may feel about this, in my experience, it’s unavoidable. It’s unfortunate, but antiquated views on fatherhood are slow to change. My best advice for you proud papas is to prove them wrong (as most millennial dads are doing), be humble, and don’t take it all personally when you can. When you can’t, don’t be afraid to lean into it and ask for help. Flights are long, and sometimes you do need an extra hand getting the luggage overhead. It doesn’t make you less of a man or a father to accept a little help. Remember: Getting your little one to your destination is the win.
Do: The dirty work, dad
While modern partnerships are about splitting the workload, this is an area I strongly encourage dads to step up and handle all—yes, ALL—of the diaper changes while en route.
At the airport, those family changing rooms are incredible; there’s plenty of room to change your baby, use the facilities, and take a breath… which is why they’re really hard to get into. Dads, if you’re in a rush and can’t wait out the line, hit the men’s room. Those changing areas are almost always available and significantly cleaner since they’re used way less often than the women’s.
“Dads, if you’re in a rush and can’t wait out the line, hit the men’s room. Those changing areas are almost always available and significantly cleaner since they’re used way less often than the women’s.”
When you’re in the air, my experience has been that passengers and flight attendants are much more patient with a dad than they are with a mom—so spearhead diaper duty when you’re in the air. On one flight, an attendant snapped at me, saying I was in the first-class section and “these bathrooms aren’t for you”… until she took one look at my baby and said, “But we can make an exception.” Another time, after a lengthy diaper change, I left the bathroom to a long row of waiting passengers who told me not to apologize, then cooed at her as I returned to my seat. People are nicer to a dad flying with a baby—take advantage of it.
Don’t: Bring your diaper bag to the bathroom
I’ve seen coffins more spacious than airplane bathrooms. The best way to handle a change in these torture devices is to plan. Don’t bring a bulky diaper bag into a room where every cubic inch counts. Airplane bathrooms are small. VERY small. This is the time to use a smaller bag or just carry the bare essentials. I’ve gotten a lot of mileage out of a simple fanny pack; it’s practical and stylish enough to distract from your socks and sandals combo (IYKYK). It’s just big enough for a few diapers, a changing pad, and wipes.
Have a game plan and know your order of operations when you get in there. Practice it in your head. Once inside the bathroom, wipe things down and get through the change as quickly as possible. The longer they’re in there, the more likely they’ll discover all the gross little things to put their hands on. This is where a fanny pack comes in handy because there will be no room to put anything down—zero—so you can keep everything on your person. You’re probably not laughing at the fanny pack now!
Don’t: Forget to pack yourself an emergency change of clothes
I’m assuming this flight isn’t your first time leaving the house with your baby. So, remember the basics: Keep extra clothes for them easily accessible, and for the sake of your sanity, make sure they’re easy to change! Leave the cute astronaut outfit with a bajillion buttons in your checked bag.
Planes can be a range of temperatures, so pack layers. Sure, their clothes are easily accessible, but keep an extra shirt on hand for you, too! On a recent flight, I forgot this basic rule, and my baby threw up on me AS we were boarding. Nothing earns you fewer friends than sitting on a four-hour flight covered in—and smelling like—baby puke. Keep an extra shirt for yourself in your carry-on.
Do: Get them their own seat
Deciding between flying ‘infant in lap’ or getting them their own seat? If you were hoping for an easy answer, have no fear: There isn’t one!
If your baby isn’t even rolling over on their own you might be perfectly fine flying with them on your lap—even on longer flights. But if your kid is mobile, the flight is long, and you can swing it, I highly recommend getting them their own seat. That way they have plenty of room to move, nap, and kick you in the knee, no matter how many times you ask them not to. Bonus: They’ll be less likely to spill/drop their food. They’ll still do this, of course, just less often.
To maximize their space, I recommend a seat extender. It’s basically a hammock that connects to their tray table to give them enough room to comfortably nap. I know my 18-month-old can only get down if she’s on her belly, so this has become a must when we fly.
Planes are crowded, and the truth is, if they have their own seat, they’ll have a better flight and you’ll have a better flight.
Don’t: Forget to take advantage of parental perks
Dads, if you’re flying with a baby—especially if you’re flying alone—there’s a world of perks just waiting for you. Remember, everyone thinks you’re an incompetent caveman who’s in over your head. They don’t need to know you’ve got everything on lock. So go ahead and ask the gate agent if you can board early; more often than not, it’s a yes. That TSA agent will wait while you get your ID and probably give your baby some attention to boot. I’ve had flight attendants insist on helping me bring my bags to my seat because of the kiddo. Flying sucks: Take whatever help you can get.
Once you make it to your destination, you can breathe easy and pat yourself on the back. You survived! Now you can deplane, enjoy your trip, and stress about having to do it all over again to get home.