High school is an emotional rollercoaster for everyone. Increasingly difficult curriculum turns the academic stress up a notch, social pressures and changing friendships are abundant, and hormone levels are at an all-time high. My own high school experience was peppered with many private (and public) cry sessions, brought on by my challenging course load, demanding competitive dance team, and faltering self-confidence.
Teenagers aren’t always easy—I know I wasn’t—and many parents worry about saying the wrong thing or making things worse for their teen in an already turbulent time. This is made more difficult by the cultural divide between Generation Z—those born between 1996 and 2012—and their largely Gen X and millennial parents. Luckily, we’re here to help bridge this gap with some certified Gen Z parenting tips, straight from the minds of our writers and editors who hail from this generation. Though most of us are well out of high school, we revisited this tumultuous time and asked ourselves: What do we wish our parents had done differently heading into high school? If we could go back in time, what would we have wanted them to say?
Read on to find out what Gen Z parenting tips you should be adding to your arsenal.
What makes high school such a challenging time for teenagers?
While it’s tempting to pin all the stress and frustrations high schoolers feel on their coursework, there are a variety of challenges faced by teenagers that can weigh on their mental health. Every student is different. They have their own personalities, passions, and living situations that can complicate how they deal with pressures such as challenging coursework, travel sports, platonic or romantic relationships, and more.
External Expectations:
Even though they’re still young, high schoolers are already facing massive external pressures. Some may feel pressure to succeed to get the scholarships they need to afford college. Others may be expected to help out at home with their younger siblings on top of a heavy workload. Regardless of the situation, each student has pressures that extend far beyond the classroom and need to be taken into consideration when addressing conflict.
Social Pressure:
Ah—high school: The time when friendships that were once simple and innocent become entrenched in unwanted drama, romantic conflict, partying, and other confusing complications that leave many teens unsure about where they fit in. It’s easy to tell a teenager to just stay “true to themselves” and to “not let the pressure get to them,” but these things are much easier said than done. High schoolers may need extra support navigating peer pressure.
Furthermore, high school and screens are now ubiquitous, meaning that teens who deal with challenging social dynamics don’t get to take the night off from the drama when the school day ends. Instead, it follows them in the form of group chats, social media pages, and FaceTime calls. For me, this was already happening in middle school when I got my first iPhone and was exposed to Snapchat and Instagram. Suddenly, home wasn’t the stress-free safe space it once was. This can make an already emotionally dysregulated teen all the more irritable and should be kept in mind by parents navigating this new social landscape with their high schoolers.
Self Identity:
High school is the first time that many teenagers have any sort of freedom: later curfews, driving lessons, parties. But beyond logistical independence, high schoolers are also searching for a strong sense of self. They are learning about themselves every day—their likes, their dislikes, their passions, their values—and as they go through this process, some may experience low self-esteem and self-doubt that can exacerbate other emotional and mental difficulties.
Gen Z parenting tips for your high schooler
Every kid is different, and no one piece of advice is going to level out the rollercoaster that is high school. However, being a teenager today looks a lot different from how it used to, and there are certain things parents should keep in mind while embarking on the high school years with their child.
Straight from the minds of Gen Z, here are some tips to help guide your child through their high school experience.
1. Be a support system, even during the midweek craziness
During the school week, I sometimes felt like my parents and I were ships passing in the night. I would see them briefly before I left for school and then get home in the evening—sometimes very late as a result of extracurriculars—and barely say two words to them before locking myself in my room to do homework or go to bed. Some of this is unavoidable, especially with working parents and kids with busy schedules, but taking the extra few minutes to go out of the way to spend one-on-one time with your teenager, even midweek, can make a huge difference.
2. Don’t let every conversation revolve around school
Seeing your child at home and immediately asking them, “How was school?” is natural. However, it can also open up a can of worms for a kid who had a stressful day. While it’s important to check in with your child at the end of a long day, be ready to pivot the subject from school if they don’t want to talk about it. Sometimes, all a high schooler wants to do is go home and give their brain a break from the stressors of the day—don’t be another source of frustration.
This is a tricky one, and not every parent is going to see eye-to-eye with me on this. However, whether we like it or not, social media has become intertwined with having a social life in high school. Whether it be Snapchat group chats or Instagram photo dumps, the online space is a source of connection for the new generation, and barring your child any access at all may lead to social isolation.
I’m not telling you to give them unfiltered access. In fact, my parents barely monitored my social media usage, and even though nothing bad ever happened, I was definitely exposed to things I shouldn’t have been. Given the social pressures high schoolers face, I think it’s important to let them make accounts on these apps while still having open conversations about online safety.
Read More: Navigating The Emotional Weight of Teen Group Chats—Moms and Experts Share
4. FaceTiming friends for homework help isn’t a distraction, it’s a lifeline
When I was in high school, my parents would often open my door late at night to see me on the phone with my friends going over homework answers or quizzing each other for an upcoming test. To them, this was me procrastinating my work when I should be in bed already. To me, it was a stress reliever in a sea of essay deadlines and midterms. Talk to your child about why they call their friends when they do their homework instead of demonizing what very well may be a study tool.
5. Help them learn to be self-sufficient, even if it’s easier to just do it for them
Though they may be years from moving away from home, the time to start teaching your child basic life skills—cooking, cleaning, personal hygiene—is now. During my high school years, I feel like I missed out on some of these skills because I was so busy, and my parents ended up doing what they had always done for me: cooking my meals, making my bed, folding my laundry. I appreciate their willingness to help me, but it did make some of the initial months of college more difficult. Start with baby steps, but introduce your child to these day-to-day tasks during these formative years.
6. Let them figure out their own beliefs and values without constant input
In high school, kids are not only exposed to a more diverse set of ideas and beliefs but are also likely surrounded by a more diverse group of peers, whether that be in race, ethnicity, economic standing, or other factors. During high school, I found myself clashing with my parents over my shifting beliefs, especially if they were different from theirs. While it’s natural to want to help your child navigate the world, high schoolers are developing self-identity, and this may mean they’re not going to agree with you on everything anymore. Let this process happen naturally, and recognize that it is not personal.
7. You can have their location, just don’t abuse the privilege
This one is also going to make some parents uncomfortable, but now that we’re in the age of Life360 and other location tracking apps, it needs to be said. Having your child’s location can be a key tool for keeping them safe. However, high school is also a time when trust needs to be built between a parent and their child. This cannot happen if you’re constantly doubting what your child told you—that they’re at their friend’s house, and they’re safe.
This isn’t to say if your child is giving you reasons to doubt their honesty that you can’t leverage their location to your advantage, but give them the benefit of the doubt first. Let them go off with their friends and explore new things, and instead of checking their location every 30 minutes, talk to them about safe habits when in public places with their friends.
8. Respect privacy (always knock, even if it feels unnecessary)
Even now, my parents are notorious for barging into my room unannounced. Every parent goes about setting the rules of their house differently—some have an open door policy, others let their child lock their door—but regardless of your individual rules, high schoolers may grow irritable and secretive if they feel they cannot get just a few minutes away from their parents’ prying eyes. It is true that your child is living in your house, but it is also important to give them a sense of control over their own space. So start the habit now: knock before you enter.
9. Self care is important, and they should be hearing that from you
It is true what everyone says: teenagers need more sleep, they need to eat more frequently, and they need more guidance managing their emotions. While many of these difficulties are unavoidable, they are worsened when a teenager—and possibly their parent, too—is so caught up in their day-to-day life they forget to take care of themselves. As a parent, this is where you need to step in. Be the voice that reminds them to prioritize self-care, whether that be having a favorite late-night snack or carving out time to do something they enjoy every weekend. Unfortunately, their teachers and peers are probably not going to talk to them about this. So parents, it’s on you.
10. Irritability is second-nature, respond with kindness and patience, if possible
As a teenager, I had a bit of a habit of leveling my parents with sassy, snide remarks. Often, I wasn’t even sure why I did it. I was just tired, stressed, and sick of everyone expecting so much of me. Plenty of times, there wasn’t even a reason. I was just a teenage girl experiencing some pretty epic mood swings.
Dealing with an irritable teenager can be a challenge, but I do know one thing: being yelled at by my mom never helped. In fact, it just made me more likely to snap at her again. Try your best to remain level-headed and get to the bottom of the problem before responding with anger.
RELATED: My Relationship With My Mom Got Stronger When I Went to College—Here’s Why
Rebecca Smith, Editorial Intern
As editorial intern, Rebecca works with The Everymom team on updating existing content, photo sourcing, pitching original articles, and more. She’s passionate about creating authentic and diverse online content, and is thrilled to help women of all ages feel represented by contributing to The Everymom.
