At times, I can still physically feel my son, now 18 and a senior in high school, nestled against my chest as a newborn. Memories of his scent as a baby, the sound of his wail, and the gentle weight of his tiny hand wrapped around my finger remain vivid. Through sleepless nights with a baby, days running after a toddler, and endless planning for elementary-school parties, I thought he would stay young forever.
As the years slipped by, he needed me less and less. He took the bus to school instead of walking with me by his side. He started packing his own lunches, making his own plans with friends, and doing his own homework. At first, I relished the free time and freedom I had regained as he grew. Then the reality set in that he was hurling quickly towards adulthood and the end of his childhood entirely. Now, that time is here.
As fellow parents of high school seniors prepare to watch their children walk down the aisle in their caps and gowns, they are reflecting on their parenthood journey so far: What they’ve learned, what they wish they did differently, and what advice they’d pass on to parents of younger kids. Here’s what they said.
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Teach your kids life skills early and often
“The only thing I would change is making them do more things around the house sooner. That was a big adjustment for them. Laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning a closet, anything to help them understand what is required day to day.” — Lisa G.
“I think I taught them good manners. All the teachers commented on that, which actually shocks me. I thought that was standard!” — Cheryl M.
“If there’s one thing I feel good about, it’s that we raised a kid who is an excellent communicator. He’s someone who can comfortably engage with adults and express himself clearly. The fact that he’s going to college with that ability is huge. That came from treating him like his voice mattered. Talking with him and not at him. Including him in the conversation. Over time, that builds confidence and self-awareness.” — Maree J.
“Teach your kids independence early. Knowing how to advocate for themselves gets them through anything in life!” — Lisa G.
“In my family law practice, I see how financial secrecy harms households, so we teach our kids money management through radical transparency. We prioritize financial literacy as a core family value so they understand the reality of expenses before they graduate.” — Ammon N.
Be consistent between multiple kids
“The main thing we’ve done right is to be consistent as parents in our expectations of all of our sons. This is regarding grades, class assignments, behavior, and their relationships with each other, their peers, and adults… we did not allow our sons to play us one against the other. We accept the stumbles and failures and look for the lesson as a part of the solution. That’s how we learn resilience, personal acceptance, and perseverance to keep moving forward in a positive way. There have been some big blunders, but they know we are here for them through thick and thin.” — Cherise T.
Read More: New research shows how parents can affect sibling relationships.
Don’t sweat the small stuff—you are doing better than you think
“I’d stress less about milestones. [My daughter] walked late, talked late, read late, and still made it to her senior year just fine. I’ve helped families whose children face genuine medical challenges. That perspective taught me most ‘problems’ weren’t actual problems.” — Rina G.
“I wish I had worried less about whether I was parenting ‘the right way.’ There isn’t one. I spent more energy than I’d like second-guessing decisions instead of trusting what worked for our family. Letting go of that pressure would have made me more present, more confident, and probably a better parent in the day-to-day moments.” — Maree J.
“I wish I had worried less about whether I was parenting ‘the right way.’”
Don’t focus so much on grades
“I’d worry less about her achievements and more about her character. We pushed academics hard, sometimes at the expense of her mental health. Junior year was rough with all the pressure.” — Yedette M.
“I wish we had more consistent family time, less screen time and social media use, and hadn’t stressed so much about grades.” — Tonia M.
Give your kids space to figure things out on their own and fail
“Let your kids try lots of things, and also leave time to try nothing at all. Activities are important, and variety matters, but so does unstructured time. Kids need space to play, read, be bored, and figure out what actually excites them. That’s where you start to see who they are, not just what they’re good at or what looks good on paper.” — Maree J.
“Let them fail while stakes are low. We bubble-wrapped [my daughter] too much. Working in medical supply distribution, I see parents trying to prevent every scrape and bruise. But resilience isn’t built by avoiding falls.” — Rina G.
“Let them fail while stakes are low. We bubble-wrapped [my daughter] too much. Resilience isn’t built by avoiding falls.”
“Let them fail. I protected my kid from everything—bad grades, mean friends, disappointment. Looking back, she needed those struggles to develop resilience. When she didn’t make the varsity team in her sophomore year, it crushed her, but it also taught her perseverance. She tried out again and made it junior year.” — Yedette M.
Find small moments to bond with your child
“As a mom of three kids, getting one-on-one time with my senior is so rare these days, and he just wants to be with his friends. We had lots of fun taking road trips to Boston, flying to the Midwest together, going to fun restaurants, and we even broke into a motel pool and went swimming! The best was getting to really catch up, just talk and talk, listen to music together, and just be with him. The grief of knowing he will be moving across the country in a few months is real. I stop by his room at night to peek at his lanky frame, fast asleep. Part of me wants to just pick all 6’2″ of him up and carry him away in my arms. It’s intense and to be honest, incredibly hard.” —Dani G.
“The grief of knowing he will be moving across the country in a few months is real… Part of me wants to just pick all 6’2″ of him up and carry him away in my arms.”
“I felt I was successful in being emotionally available for my son. That enabled him to be open and honest without fear of judgment. I made it my goal to try to ask open-ended questions so I wouldn’t just get ‘good’ or ‘fine.’ Whether that was me sitting on his bed while he cleaned his room and we chatted about the small stuff, or him sitting at the counter talking while I cooked dinner. I also made it a point to always sit down together as a family for dinner. Finding those moments to touch base with your child creates a bond and a safe space for both parent and child.” — Brynn J.
“On the soccer field or at their awards ceremony, I was always there! They may not need me, but knowing I was there has definitely given them comfort as they grew up.” — Lisa G.
Remember your own needs
“Don’t sacrifice your own hobbies. I still play and coach ice hockey to show my kids that life should include personal joy. [I hope] this encourages them to pursue their own interests with the same intensity I bring to my law firm and my sport.” — Ammon N.
Find connection in community
“The one thing I think would have made a difference: community. The more connected you are to other parents, like really connected, the more likely you are to have friends with whom you can share parenting struggles or the kids’ struggles at school. That either normalizes struggles or helps identify actual issues. Some things seem isolated to your kid, but then you realize many other kids are going through the same thing. Also, it’s nice to have friends who can give you the inside scoop on what’s happening from their kids’ perspective. If your kid is in trouble, sad, or acting differently at school, community connection can be a powerful way to gain insight that you won’t get from your child or your own observations.” — Tonia M.
Don’t rush childhood, time moves too quickly
“Be more present in the now. Time moves faster than you think. The early years feel endless, but high school shows up quickly. I would encourage you to be present for the ordinary stuff—rides to practice, random conversations at night—because that’s what kids remember and what builds trust over time. I found I was oftentimes too focused on the future, the end goal of getting my son to adulthood and college.” — Brynn J.
“Time moves faster than you think. The early years feel endless, but high school shows up quickly.”
“Don’t rush childhood. I spent too many years rushing from one activity to another, always thinking about the next milestone. Between managing properties and my daughter’s packed schedule, we rarely slowed down. Now I see that those quiet moments at home mattered most.” — Yedette M.
“I spent too many years rushing from one activity to another… we rarely slowed down. Now I see that those quiet moments at home mattered most.”
“I would have been more present when they were little and not stressed so much about the small things. I remember one very specific day [when] I had three little kids, [ages] 4, 2, and a newborn. We were just leaving the park, and my 4-year-old wanted to show his brother the little bakery and get a treat because they had so much fun in the park. But it was my daughter’s nap time, and instead of just being in the moment of the sweetness, I was focused on her nap. It’s the little moments like that that we don’t think of, that I wish I were more present in.” — Juliet H.
Final thoughts from a mom of a high school senior
Having a high school senior is bittersweet. Finishing 12th grade is the end of an era. Not just the end of the long journey to graduate, but a turning point where children transform fully into their own person. My role as a parent is changing dramatically. My son is making more of his own decisions and preparing for an independent life that will include his parents less and less. Now I may stand on the sidelines more, but I’ll always be there cheering him on.
Jamie Davis Smith, Contributing Writer
Jamie Davis Smith is a mother of four, an attorney, a disability advocate, and an avid photographer living in Washington, DC. She writes about travel, parenting, health and wellness, reviews, food and drink, beauty, and more. In addition to The Everymom, she has written for Fodor’s Travel, Viator, Yahoo, The Huffington Post, The Washington Post, Tinybeans, Business Insider, Scary Mommy, The Expedition, Reviewed, Washington Family Magazine, and many others.
