"Head’s up, this article contains spoilers for the latest episode of the show The Bold Type. If you haven’t caught up this season, you’ve been warned now!
Also, this story talks about a topic that is often quite sensitive to moms. So, please read with caution and click off if you are not ready to read.
If you’re into teen drama TV shows like I am, then you’ve probably come across fan favorites like Riverdale, the Charmed reboot, and Sex Education. These shows are all hits with people of varying ages, not just teens, but my favorite teen drama show right now is The Bold Type on Freeform.
The Bold Type follows three girls who become best friends after working together at the top women’s magazine, Scarlet, in New York City. There is Kat, a former Social Media Director for Scarlet magazine (she got fired for outing a discriminatory executive); Sutton, a stylist in the fashion department hoping to make a name for herself in the styling world; and Jane, a writer who takes chances with her articles by tackling tough topics like preventative double mastectomy surgery.
This show is great because not only does it have that fun, girl power, life-in-the-big-city feeling throughout every episode, but it also doesn’t shy away from talking about the important topics that other shows often don’t bother discussing.
The latest episode, which aired on Thursday, June 25, dove into Sutton’s story a bit more as she recently got married to the love of her life. The prior episode revealed that the couple had just found out that they’re expecting a baby. This past week, Sutton and Richard, her new husband, were looking forward to their first ultrasound appointment which unfortunately ended with news of a miscarriage. The nurse was apologetic, told her what will occur over the next 48 hours, and gave the couple some time and space together in the room alone to deal with the news.
You could see confusion and feelings of sadness all over their faces, and as the watcher, you felt for this couple. Maybe you know someone who has recently gone through something similar. Or maybe that someone is you. Regardless, that situation is real life and could happen to anyone.
As Sutton goes on through the next two days, her friends and husband are trying to console her and make sure she’s feeling all right. Near the end of the episode, she’s breaking down crying with Kat and Jane by her side, and she says, “I think I feel relieved that I’m not having this baby. Does that make me a terrible person?”
Hearing this line hit me like a ton of bricks.
Something about that line felt so real, so true, so honest. I have no doubt in my mind that should Sutton have had a “normal” pregnancy that she would’ve loved that child with everything. You can see that she’s that kind of person—it’s reflected in her career, with her best friends, and with her husband. The truth was, though, that she was just not ready to have a baby and to be a mom. And I know so many other current moms or moms-to-be who also feel this way.
So, why aren’t we talking about it?
Mom guilt and mom shame run through our veins rapidly. Some of the guilt and shame is external, but some of it is self-inflicted. We often believe, as moms, that if we aren’t loving every moment of pregnancy, birth, and motherhood that something is wrong with us or that we’re bad moms. That’s simply not true. Sutton’s bravery to say out loud that she was relieved to not be pregnant right now is a big deal for moms and also for TV.
You can still …
… complain about motherhood and love your child.
… love your current child and not want any more children.
… be relieved of a negative pregnancy test and still want children down the road.
… want your child to go to bed and be excited to see them the next day.
… want to have children and decide to have one child.
… enjoy being a mom and also want alone time.
Sometimes things aren’t always so black and white as society leads us to believe. Sutton’s relief does not make her a bad person, a bad future mom, or mean that she wouldn’t have given that child the best life, had the pregnancy gone a different way.
The truth is that a miscarriage is a hard and scary situation to go through, and it’s one that I’m sure all of us hope to avoid in our lifetime. How ever you’re feeling about the miscarriage is OK and valid and true to you and your situation. If the feeling is sadness, that’s OK. If the feeling is a relief, that’s OK too.
I am grateful that The Bold Type exists, even if it is a teen drama TV show. We need more shows talking about the true and real parts of life no matter how hard, mucky, or scary the circumstances might be. These things are our real lives, and we shouldn’t be ashamed or embarrassed to talk about them.
Read More: I Feel Mom Guilt for Not Feeling Mom Guilt