"Dealing with the loss of a friendship that you thought would be around forever is never easy. In many cases, a mom-friend break-up can mirror the emotions of a romantic break-up. Think unanswered texts, a missed birthday dinner, invites that aren’t reciprocated, and then feelings of rejection or sadness when you feel the relationship start to fall apart.
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I recently lost a friend out of the blue and for no real reason. We had kids the same age who played the same sports and went to the same preschool. We saw each other several times a week, traded childcare, and shared nearly everything. But as our kids aged, they moved on to different schools, sports, and friendships. Then, the calls, texts, and plans between the moms waned and eventually stopped altogether.
Now I realize our friendship was probably just one out of convenience, and I put more into it than was reciprocated. But how do you cope with the end of a friendship, one that you thought would be around for years to come? Here are some healthy ways to deal with a mom friend breakup and move forward.
Be honest
In my case, being honest with my friend about what was going on with our friendship turned out to be the first step in moving on. I had harbored resentment for months for the lack of effort she put into our relationship, and those negative feelings affected many other areas of my life.
We finally had a conversation about why things had gone downhill, and I was able to be super honest with her about how I felt slighted in our friendship. It was hard and awkward. But it was also cathartic. And while it didn’t have the outcome I’d hoped for (i.e., the repair of our relationship), it did help me feel more at peace with moving on.
Lean into a hobby
When you lose a friend, it can be tempting to over-text, overthink, or worse, discuss the faltering friendship with others.
To avoid those destructive behaviors, I’ve leaned into my hobbies. Working out, doing small DIY projects around the house, and reading have all become things I do weekly, if not daily. While it doesn’t replace the friendship I lost, it fills my cup in other ways.
Prioritize family time
In the past years, I’ve relied heavily on my friendships to get me through the day. Blowouts, sleep regressions, and tantrums are a lot easier to handle when you have your friends coaching you through it.
But as my boys have gotten older, we’ve moved out of survival mode and into a whole new phase of parenting. My boys require less physically of me but more emotionally. That means I’m putting my phone down more often, not planning as many playdates, and spending quality, one-on-one time with my kids, marveling at the little people they’re growing into.
Invest in those that invest in you
I learned this one the hard way. But really, is there any other way to see if a friendship will stick around than pouring into it and hoping it’s reciprocated?
I’m an all-or-nothing friend. If you know me, you know my kids, my husband, and probably what I ate for dinner last night. I don’t keep secrets in my friendships, and I prioritize quality time and am usually the one to plan a girls’ night or birthday celebration.
The only problem? I expect the same from my friends—and many just don’t have the effort or time to reciprocate, which can be incredibly hurtful. Sure, some friends aren’t great at making plans and can often wait for others to take the lead. Others may be terrible at returning texts or phone calls.
But these friends may show love in other ways, like an encouraging text on a hard day or a thoughtful gift. So, I’m doing the hard work of examining my friendships and pouring more into those who pour into me. It’s not how the friend shows up; it’s that they make the effort to show up at all.
Let go
It’s the hardest part of any relationship, especially for an empath like me. But letting go of a relationship that’s no longer working is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.
And letting go of any negative feelings that go along with that? It’s just a bonus. I’ve worked hard to let go of the negative feelings I’ve harbored toward this friend and how things worked out. She’s just a mom doing her best, with battles all her own. We’ve shared a past, but that doesn’t mean our futures are intertwined, too. And that’s OK.
Rachel Morgan Cautero, Contributing Writer
Rachel is a full-time freelance writer based in Ponte Vedra, Florida. When she’s not busy wrangling a toddler, preschooler, and one very stubborn French bulldog, she’s writing on all things personal finance and parenting. Her work has appeared in The Atlantic, Forbes, Parents, Nerdwallet, The Balance, Yahoo Finance, Truly Mama, SmartAsset, HerMoney, and DailyWorth.