"Toddlers have a lot of emotions. So much so that we’ve heard the common terms like “terrible twos” or “three-nager.” While I do admit all the excess of emotions can be frustrating as a parent—like when my toddler throws a tantrum for cutting his grilled cheese wrong—having a lot of feelings is normal for this age. In fact, during the toddler years, the part of the brain that processes feelings and emotions is rapidly developing at this time. It makes sense, but as a parent, how do we process this and help our kids navigate through it all? I decided to try using an emotions chart.
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I’m a millennial parent, and I proclaim myself as—trying to be—a gentle parent, too. Tools like an emotions chart were something I didn’t grow up with, but I had seen and heard of them a time or two. When my son was 3.5 years old, I noticed he was getting upset and frustrated throughout the day with what felt like anything and everything. I felt a little helpless, so I decided to order an emotions chart. I figured it would help him pinpoint how he was feeling at any given moment, and in turn, I could actually help him work through it. What I didn’t expect is that my son taught me the emotions chart is for adults, too.
What is an emotions chart?
An emotions chart or a feelings chart is a visual aid where children can learn to identify and express their emotions. When a child is overcome with big feelings, they can go to the chart and point to a picture or color to communicate how they feel. Most charts include primary emotions like joy, sadness, fear, anger, surprise, and disgust.
Choosing the right emotions chart for my toddler
What is interesting is that kids can label and recognize emotions around the age of 3. With my son knowing the primary emotions and being 3.5 years old—it was the perfect time to try it. But finding the right emotions chart for my toddler was something that was important to me. Since he can’t read, it needed to be filled with pictures, and I also wanted it to be supplemented with realistic ways he could cope with how he was feeling. I finally landed on an emotions chart that I felt was appropriate for him, and I was ready to put it to the test.
How I used the emotions chart with my child
When I got the chart in the mail, I immediately hung it up on our refrigerator. The next morning, my toddler refused to get ready for school. He didn’t want to change into his clothes for the day, and I knew it was going to be a struggle to get him out of his funk. I took a deep breath, told him he was OK, and said I had something new to show him—the emotions chart. I knew the word “new” would be enticing. After a few moments, we walked over to the chart together.
It was then that I acknowledged he was having a tough morning. I asked him if he could point to any of the faces on the chart that went with how he was feeling. He immediately pointed to the sad face. When I asked him why, he replied that he would miss me at school.
I was amazed. It worked. We then transferred to the chart with how he could choose to cope with his feelings of sadness. He pointed to the illustration that represented a hug. Amazing, again. We hugged it out, and I told him I would miss him, too, but that I would be back to pick him up at the end of the school day. He was still sad, but he was able to move on. We put on his clothes, and we ate breakfast together.
It doesn’t happen like that all the time. Sometimes, we have to come back when he’s settled down a little more. But it did work. After a few days of putting the chart to practice, I even encountered a few instances where he went to the chart unprompted.
Modeling how to use a feelings chart
A few days of this, and I felt confident we had the chart down. While I was in awe of the chart for my son, he ended up turning the chart back on me. Turns out, the emotions chart is for everyone.
Motherhood can be stressful at times—a juggling act, really. In one moment, you can have a crying baby, paint spilling on the ground from the day’s craft, and your toddler simultaneously screaming over all the noise to tell you he wants a snack after school. It’s a true story, and in that moment, my own son recognized I was stressed. He caught me off guard, because while I wanted to scream, he asked me if I needed to go to the chart like him. I sure did.
We walked to the chart together. I pointed to the ‘stressed’ illustration, and I too chose to hug it out with him. It looks like the student became the master. The emotions chart is also helpful for adults.
Seeing adults process their emotions helps kids understand their own
It was at that moment that I realized it’s not only important for me to teach my son how to regulate his emotions with the emotions chart, but it’s also important for him to see adults have emotions just like him. According to Parent Data, “Parents’ emotional expressiveness can be used to help children build their vocabulary, normalize different experiences, and show children that parents understand how they feel.”
What I’ve also learned is that pointing out positive emotions is also great. We’ve actually made it a family habit to start our morning with the chart. Most often, we start the day with the ‘happy’ face, and if not, we work it out together. Parent Data also notes that showing positive expression “is also related to some positive child outcomes, including self-regulation, social competence, empathy, resilience to stress, reduced risk-taking, and reduced school problems.”
What the emotions chart has done for my family
Having emotions is normal. I’ve found that using an emotions chart not only has it helped my son, but it has also helped me stay in tune with my own feelings. The emotions chart isn’t just exclusive to kids. It’s effective for adults if you need it from time to time, especially if you’re a parent. Kids need an example of how to express their emotions, and a chart is a great way to help them understand everything they’re feeling. Yes, we still have the meltdowns here and there, but who doesn’t? As long as we all know how to deal and use the tools to cope with how we’re feeling as a family—that is what is important to me.
Want to try using an emotions chart with your kids? Here’s a free printable color feelings chart to get you started.
Patty Schepel, Editorial Intern
As the editorial intern, Patty works with The Everymom’s team on pitches, creating original articles, updating existing content, photo sourcing, writing shopping product descriptions, inputting freelance articles, and more. When she’s not working, you can find her spending time with her family, training for half marathons—she ran one 16 weeks pregnant—traveling, cooking, reading a rom-com, and keeping her sourdough starter, Rose, alive.