Most evenings at 8:30 pm, my husband settles into his favorite plaid armchair with a book, while I tuck our children into bed as they prefer me to snuggle and read their bedtime stories. I love watching them drift to sleep. But sometimes, as I watch my husband enjoying his quiet time, I can’t help but wonder: Is this really fair? Does he have more leisure time than I do?
While he helps around the house, I still manage a large portion of daily responsibilities, like meal planning, caretaking, and bills. Some tasks fall to me because I work fewer hours than he does, but do we truly share equal workloads?
It’s a question that gender economist Dr. Corinne Low poses in her new book, Having It All, which I just finished reading and loved. When home production tasks are unequally divided, couples often struggle in their relationships. This is why Low created the “Time Use Challenge” to encourage couples to track how they spend their time for the week. The goal is to uncover patterns, see who carries which responsibilities, and spark conversation about fairness.
My husband and I decided to try the challenge ourselves. Here’s what we discovered together (hint: I felt validated, and it was a bit of a “wake-up” call to my husband about how much I take on.)
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What is the book, Having It All, about?
In her book, Low talks about how women face many demands on their time at work and at home. Even when women in heterosexual marriages are the primary earners, they do almost twice as much cooking and cleaning as their male spouses. And even if you aren’t the breadwinner, the invisible load of mental and emotional labor, such as coordinating schedules, remembering appointments, and anticipating needs, can still eat up hours.
How we tracked our time for the ‘Time Use Challenge’
After reading Low’s book and deciding to tackle the challenge, we chose to print an Excel sheet with seven days, divided into 15-minute increments, and filled in each section as we went about our day. Tracking our time revealed some interesting data.
What we learned from our household chores experiment
- My husband worked 41 hours compared to my 26, but also had 15 hours of leisure time. I only had about three.
- Over the week, he slept nearly 16 more hours than I did, but that was because he was under the weather. (However, I was recently sick and only managed one brief, interrupted nap.)
- I spent 4 times as much time doing chores, equating to about 22 hours cleaning to his six. I also took care of the kids for about 60 hours to his 18.
Choosing to track on a week when my husband was sick skewed our results. He works and helps around the house more than the data revealed. Still, it highlighted something valuable: He prioritizes rest when he’s unwell—something I’d like to do next time I’m not feeling my best.
What stood out to me most is how often my responsibilities overlap—managing work, childcare, and household tasks—while my husband’s schedule is more structured. Seeing this helped me recognize why I often feel so frazzled: My time is fragmented.
Having concrete data gave us a starting point to renegotiate. My husband acknowledged the load I carry and that our free time is definitely not equal. He expressed a desire to help me carve out more uninterrupted alone time for work and hobbies.
We also talked about how fairness isn’t always about doing the same amount of work, but recognizing the load the other person carries, and relieving them of it when you can.
How we’re adjusting our domestic labor
Since completing the challenge, I’ve made more time for myself, including accepting an invitation to see a play with a few girlfriends. On the day of the performance, my youngest was sick. Usually, I’d cancel and stay home, but having just finished the challenge, I knew I needed the break. So, I handed the kids off to my husband and wished them the best.
Tracking our week also helped me to set better boundaries around my work hours. My husband and I discussed how I will start taking some work hours outside the home so the kids can’t run in and disturb me. This feels like a big win for me, as I’m always working with background noise and interruptions.
How to try the ‘Time Use Challenge’ for yourself
To try Low’s Time Use Challenge yourself, here’s how it works:
- Download or make a tracker. Low offers a free, ready-made time tracker on her website. You can also use graph paper or a Google spreadsheet with seven days divided into 15-minute intervals. (Tip: You only need to include your waking hours unless you have children who require middle-of-the-night attention.)
- Track your days for one week. Be specific with home tasks—laundry, calling a plumber, or signing a child up for violin lessons—and broader for work, leisure time, and personal care.
- Define fair. Before comparing graphs, decide what balance feels realistic. A 50-50 split may not be possible, and that’s okay. The goal is to make expectations visible.
- Compare and reflect. Does one person manage more of the household load? Are there surprises? Can you redistribute or swap tasks to make things more fair? If so, consider using Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play cards to make dividing out tasks easier.
Trying the Time Use Challenge definitely helped my husband and me find ways we can improve our quality of life. It made us both realize that there are ways he can get more involved in caretaking responsibilities, like bedtime routines, watching the kids while I work, and letting me get more downtime.
I’ve encouraged all my friends to give it a try, too. You never know what the data might reveal—and what conversation it might spark.
Kris Ann Valdez, Contributing Writer
Kris Ann Valdez is a mom and freelance journalist who covers parenting, lifestyle, and science-based topics. Beyond The Everymom, Kris Ann contributes to national outlets such as Good Housekeeping, Parents, and Scary Mommy.
