I breastfed my first baby for 13 months. When the day finally came to wean, there was a short list in the back of my head of things I was excited about. I’d finally have the opportunity to try CBD! Maybe I’d get a keratin treatment on my hair! The opportunities with my body that felt like they were about to be mine again were endless.
About three days later, I found out I was pregnant again—but I hadn’t even tried CBD yet! I was thrilled, though a bit surprised it happened so quickly. So I said farewell to my non-pregnant, non-breastfeeding plans, realizing it would likely be another few years until I could book that keratin treatment.
Well, here we are. My second baby was born nearly 11 months ago, and when he hits a year, we’ll begin the weaning process. I’m excited to finally feel like my body belongs to me. I won’t need to double check every label or Google if something is safe for breastfeeding. I know part of me will also be sad to say goodbye to the baby phase. I’m not sure if I’ll have another baby, so it’s hard to know that this may be my last time here. I’ll have mixed emotions when I wean this baby.
Why I’m ready to be done breastfeeding
I feel a little guilty admitting it (because I do enjoy breastfeeding and I’m grateful I’m able to do it), but I’m also a bit over it. It’s incredible to be able to nourish my child and it allows us some quiet time for just the two of us. At the same time, my body feels like it’s not my own, and breastfeeding a baby while also caring for a toddler can sometimes make for a less-than-relaxing experience. I feel like I’m constantly being pulled in many different directions. As the sole parent who can breastfeed, it feels empowering but also can feel exhausting and overwhelming.
I feel a little guilty admitting it (because I do enjoy breastfeeding and I’m grateful I’m able to do it), but I’m also a bit over it.
Though I have mixed feelings, there are some things I’m really looking forward to. They aren’t necessarily huge, exciting things. But if you’ve been in a similar situation as me, pregnant or breastfeeding for years at a time, these things are pretty exciting. Here’s what I can’t wait to do.
Shopping skincare that’s been off limits
I’m a mom in my 30s and I care about my skin. But I’m tired. And it shows on my face. I want to do everything I can to improve my skincare routine, and there are some powerful products that I’ve wanted to add to my routine but haven’t been able to use quite yet. Any time I’m about to try a new product, I Google it first. If there’s any chance it’s not safe for breastfeeding, I’ve skipped it. For me, it hasn’t been worth the risk of unknowns. But now, I’m ready to fill my cart with all the fun skincare items I’ve been missing out on.
Finally trying CBD
It’s kind of cruel that CBD isn’t recommended during pregnancy or while breastfeeding. Is there ever a time in life that is more exhausting, more stressful, or just the complete opposite of relaxing? I’ve read about the many benefits of CBD and can’t wait to add it to my routine for increasing calm vibes and maybe even helping me get better sleep.
Wearing whatever I want
The amount of thought I had to put into my wardrobe while breastfeeding is just plain annoying. I always have to think about where I’m going, when I’ll need to breastfeed next, and the right outfit to feed my baby in while keeping myself comfortable if out and about. I truly cannot wait until the day when I don’t have to consider easy access to my boobs when I get dressed in the morning.
Investing in new bras
I’ve found some pretty good breastfeeding and pumping bras, but at the end of the day, they are made for a very specific purpose. I haven’t purchased a non-maternity bra in years because it wouldn’t serve much of a purpose, plus my size continues to change. I’m almost at the finish line and will be treating myself to a drawer full of new bras.
Having a girls day
Though I’ve pumped, which has allowed me to have some time away from my kids, the time is always limited, and keeping my supply steady means pumping while away. It’s not exactly relaxing to have to figure out the logistics of pumping on the go. The only other option is making sure I’m home every three hours. I miss my kids when I spend time away from them, but I know it’s good for me to have time to myself. Not worrying about when it will be time to pump or head home to make it for the next feeding is something I haven’t experienced in a long time. And I’m ready.
Taking a morning off
I have a very helpful partner, but he can’t take on the role of breastfeeding or pumping, which means I haven’t had a morning off from my kids in a long time. I can’t simply sleep in and skip a morning nursing session. But as a mom, I’m exhausted and I know I deserve time off. One of the first things on my list when I finish breastfeeding will simply be to spend a morning in bed without an alarm clock (AKA a baby) waking me up, passing full control over to my husband for the morning kid session.