"Christmas Eve, 1996—I didn’t know it, but my whole life was about to change at 4 years old. Sounds dramatic, I know. Every year, my extended family gathers together on Christmas Eve. We eat, sing songs, play Minute to Win It-esque games, and eat some more. Then at midnight, everyone opens their gifts for Noche Buena. Christmas 1996 seems to be a core memory because it was the year I found out Santa isn’t real.
Do you remember the exact moment when you learned Santa wasn’t real, too? When I was a child, I remember wondering why all the mall Santas looked different. I also questioned why I would see more than one at a time. It felt like a Where’s Waldo? situation, and I had to determine if the Santa in front of me was the real deal or not. Later, I saw my younger self in Buddy the Elf when he revealed that his mall Santa was a fraud.
Finding out Santa isn’t real
As all the kids and cousins gathered around to get ready for presents to be passed out, a man in a red suit, white beard, black boots, and a big red sack of presents came strolling in. While the parents ‘ooh’ and ‘awed,’ my 4-year-old self knew something was up.
Oddly enough, Santa looked a lot like my Uncle Nelson. Every kid took their turn sitting on his lap to tell ‘Santa’ what they asked for for Christmas. This man magically had presents to give them, too. When it was my turn, I gave him the side eye, grabbed ‘Santa’s’ beard, and I pulled it down. Gasp—Did I just ruin Christmas?
What age do kids stop believing in Santa?
Research shows that most children stop believing in Santa around 8 years old. Although, some 3 or 4-year-olds “convinced themselves that Santa wasn’t real.” Who knows? Maybe I was already skeptical, and my uncle dressing up as Santa validated it for me.
If you’re unsure how to weave through the skepticism and struggling if you should tell your kids about Santa, Dr. Candice Mills, a psychologist at the University of Texas in Dallas, says you can deflect the question. Also, consider if your child may be more sensitive about being lied to. You can ask your child, “What do you think?” if they ask if Santa is real or not. If your child states they want to know the truth, it’s OK to tell them.
Kathy Sisson, Senior Editor of The Everymom, shared another perspective on how she wishes she would’ve handled Santa differently with her kids now that they’re getting older. If she could go back, she’d ditch the ‘naughty or nice’ part of the story, have fewer presents come from Santa, and introduce the real St. Nicholas so finding out Santa isn’t real would seem a little less jarring.
Psychologist Dr. Jazmine McCoy says that you’re not ruining the magic of Christmas if you tell your kids the truth about Santa. She states, “Kids love to imagine.” You can continue to ‘pretend’ Santa is real and still enjoy all the Christmas activities you do together.
Finding out about Santa gave me a new perspective on Christmas
Santa was definitely my Uncle Nelson. But what I really remember is that I wasn’t sad about it. I moved on pretty quickly. That also meant, as a kid, I had a different outlook on Christmas.
While I wasn’t mad about knowing Santa isn’t real, the moment was significant for me because it meant that the ‘magical’ feeling of Christmas time looked a little different for me than other kids who still believed in him. No more wondering if Santa was going to come down the chimney—the idea actually scared me. If Elf on the Shelf existed back then, I definitely wasn’t going to believe that a toy elf was being mischievous. And while I’m sure my parents loved seeing our faces when we opened our presents, what I remember the most about my childhood during Christmas time was all the holiday activities and memories made.
Christmas is still my favorite holiday
Believe it or not, Christmas is actually my favorite holiday. As cliche as it sounds, when my parents taught me that Christmas isn’t about the presents but ‘to be present,’ I truly felt it. My favorite thing about the holiday season is seeing family gather together. The time spent and all the activities we do as a family are what are ‘magical’ to me.
I go to my hometown’s local Christmas concert at the high school. My in-laws throw an annual cookie decorating contest—you’d think we were on The Great British Bake Off—Christmas Edition. There’s a self-proclaimed Christmas Capital where I live, and you truly feel like you’ve stepped into a Hallmark movie. Family Christmas movies like Elf and The Santa Claus never get old. With the whole Christmas season ‘package,’ I still get the warm, cozy feeling I do year after year.
Will I let my kids believe in Santa?
So, what does that mean for my kids? Do I let them believe in Santa, or do I tell them the truth about Santa? I know it is inevitable that they’re going to find out Santa isn’t real someday, but I don’t think their uncles will be dressing up as the big guy any time soon, either. I’m really not sure how to navigate it as a mom since I learned Santa wasn’t real at such a young age. What I do know is that Christmas can continue to be magical with or without the guy in the red suit.
Patty Schepel, Editorial Intern
As the editorial intern, Patty works with The Everymom’s team on pitches, creating original articles, updating existing content, photo sourcing, writing shopping product descriptions, inputting freelance articles, and more. When she’s not working, you can find her spending time with her family, training for half marathons—she ran one 16 weeks pregnant—traveling, cooking, reading a rom-com, and keeping her sourdough starter, Rose, alive.