Being a parent can be really hard. After a busy day of making breakfast, getting the kids ready for the day, school drop-off, working, school pick-up, prepping dinner, helping with homework, cleaning up the house, and getting everyone off to bed, the last thing on our minds is being intimate with a partner. Who can blame us? By the time the day is done, we’re exhausted and ready to get to sleep ourselves.
But being a mom doesn’t mean you have to throw in the towel on a hot sex life. To help spice things up after the kids go to bed (or anytime, really), we’re sharing 10 tips for keeping things steamy with your partner. Read on for our best ideas!
1. Update your foreplay
Foreplay is more than just a precursor to sex. It gets your body excited and ready to enjoy this time with your partner. Try something new, such as an oil massage or playing a fun game (more on this below!). You don’t have to be naked to get excited for sex. Sex is just as much of a mental act as it is physical.
2. Implement gratitude
Your sex life can often be a large indicator of what’s going in your relationship. When you’re happy sexually, it’s pretty plausible that your relationship is too. So if your sex is suffering, find ways to improve communication and get closer to your partner. The easiest way to do this is to cultivate gratitude. Thank them for the little things, like doing the dishes or cooking even the simplest of weeknight dinners.
In the same vein, implement that same gratitude in your sex life. Remind your partner what you enjoy and what you like. Tell them that you’re grateful that they prioritize a fun sex life too. You can do this through sexting, when you’re doing the dishes (the amount of dishes right now is truly unreal), during sex, or after.
3. Get out of the bedroom
The last thing we want in our sex lives is too much routine. The easiest way to break that is simply getting out of the bedroom. You have an entire house or apartment—make use of it! Whether it’s in the shower (the slippery factor is a little difficult, but we believe in you!), the kitchen, the car (all those high school make-out memories), there are a lot of options to get it on. Especially if the kids are already in bed, you really shouldn’t limit yourself to just the bedroom.
4. Schedule sex
Although it might seem weird or routine, scheduling sex is actually a great way to encourage you and your partner to have sex regardless of how tired you are at the end of the night. Whether you put it on your shared calendar or choose specific days during the week, you’ll know when you wake up that morning that you’re about to get sexy later.
When you schedule a day, remind your partner. And not just because you’re both likely to forget (which is true), but to build up the anticipation even further. Text them the morning of, or talk about it over breakfast (in code, obviously). Allow you both to get excited to have sex!
5. Add sex toys
Sex toys don’t just have to be for solo play! Whether you and your partner browse a store (or website!) together (great bonding time), or you pick something up to surprise them, there’s something out there for you both. Adding sex toys in your relationship can be a bit intimidating, but if you’re on the same page and don’t think into too much, it can be a great tool (literally) for getting you and your partner out of a rut.
6. Track your sex life
It’s easy to go a few weeks without even touching your partner if you both live very busy lives. Apps like Nice Sex Tracker and Clue (for period tracking) both have options to keep track in a calendar view of your sex life. If your stats dip, you know to start doing some of these tricks to boost them up! You can also totally use your planner or regular iCal for this, but you might want to come up with a code (a fun emoji, perhaps?!) if you’re afraid of other people seeing all the days you’ve had sex.
7. Don’t be afraid of quickies
Sex doesn’t have to be in a bed lined with lit candles and rose petals. Sex can be just as exciting when it’s out of the blue or spontaneous and doesn’t go all night long. Try having sex in the morning instead of at night or when the kids are napping. It doesn’t have to go hours to be fun for both of you.
8. Actually wear your lingerie
How often do you buy lingerie all to let it slide to the back of your drawer and see the light of day approximately two days a year (V-Day and birthdays)? You’re not alone, but instead of getting in that same routine, make a point to actually wear your lingerie. Wear your favorite bra and panty set under your outfit, or wear your bodysuit with a pair of jeans and a blazer for a dinner date. Wearing lingerie doesn’t have to be an awkward costume change while you’re starting to get hot ‘n heavy with your partner.
Obviously, if you don’t own any sexy lingerie, try to find something that you enjoy. We love SavageXFenty, ASOS, Nasty Gal, Nordstrom, and Amazon (little did you know Amazon has some of the cutest lingerie in the game!).
9. Invest in lube
Lube is one of the most underrated and under-appreciated sex toys to have in your arsenal. For some people, lube is necessary to make sex comfortable and pleasurable, but it’s a tool that can help everyone experience more friction and less discomfort. And we all know what that means: more orgasms and better sex for everyone. Whether you go for a oil-based or water-based lube is up to you, but don’t opt for anything silicone-based if you plan to use it with silicone toys.
10. Play a sex game
Let go of the idea that sex is meant to be a spontaneous, just-before-bed moment between you and your partner. Sex can be a whole aspect of your night routine rather than just a line item at the end of the night. As soon as you get home from work or right after you eat dinner, just focus on you and your partner (or just you—just because you’re spouse is there doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy solo play too!). Light the candles right away, run a bath, put on your lingerie, and play a game with your partner.
Classic strip poker (take off an item of clothing every time you’re wrong—I love playing this with a friendly game of Uno!) is always a good one, but we also love truth or dare; touching each other and setting a timer for 10, 20, or more minutes before you can get down to business; or making something up that works for you. Again, get creative here and see what you come with.