A few weeks ago, everything landed at once. My 3-year-old was sick, my 7-month-old was in the midst of her messy starting-solids journey and very much in “I want mama only” mode. I had deadlines that weren’t going to finish themselves and a client call I couldn’t cancel. My sister took both kids so I could sit in a room and be a professional person for an hour. She didn’t make it a big to-do. But I know it took a good bit of rearranging on her end. Still, she just took them.
My sister-in-law checked in every single day that week. Every day! Sometimes it was a coffee left at the door. Sometimes it was just her telling me what she’d done when her kids were sick like this. And then we missed a family gathering. So my other sister-in-law texted that she’d be showing up later with leftovers.
Here’s the part I keep thinking about: I didn’t ask any of my kids’ aunts to do any of these things. They just appeared and messaged and showed up, the way they always do. And it made me think, we really need to talk about the aunts. So consider this a love letter to all the aunts and aunties who show up, support us, and love our kids like their own.
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The Aunts Don’t Have To Do Any of This
Here’s the thing: aunts didn’t ask for nieces and nephews. They’re not the parent. They’re not even the grandparent. There’s no job description, no expectation, and nothing that says they have to.
I figured there was an Aunt and Uncle Day, because, of course, there’s a day for everything. (As I write this, it’s National Peach Ice Cream Day. And it’s also National Tattoo Day.) And there is one: National Aunt Day is July 26. But one random day I didn’t even know existed isn’t really the point.
Because the aunts are so much more than that. These women are your aunts. Your kids’ aunts. Honorary aunties. The friends who earned the title in front of their name and answer to it now.
“These women are your aunts, your kids’ aunts, honorary aunties, the friends who earned the title and answer to it now.”
My kids have hit the absolute jackpot with their aunts. They get weekly FaceTime calls, secret phrases, and birthday gifts so specific to what they love that I wish I’d thought of them first. They have aunts as their babysitters (both planned and at-the-last-minute). Someone to show them a silly video. Another person to love, who loves them back.
These are also the aunts who show up with the wine, the hand-me-downs, and the good cookie mix. They text back reassuring words, carry the baby, and let you eat. And they always notice the haircuts and the new sneakers. What a gift to have aunts like these.
An Aunt Isn’t Your Mom, and That’s the Whole Point
I didn’t grow up especially close to my own aunts. But I had one who lived far away, and she was something close to a mythical creature to me. She had a big, impressive career, a doctorate, a job that moved her all over the country and had her traveling all over the world. She’d come into town with my uncle every couple of years, and she had a knack for making you feel like one of the most interesting people alive. She was always curious about what I’d been up to, and she brought the coolest gifts. She was, in every sense, the cool aunt.
And when my son was born, she happened to be in town. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anyone look at him with more awe.
I see a version of that same cool aunt in my own sister now. She doesn’t have kids, and she dotes on mine in a way that is all her own. I can already picture my daughter grown, heading off to Europe with her, or coming home from weekend sleepovers with pieces from her enviable closet. My son with someone to take him to a concert, or drive around with no destination in mind, just for the joy of going somewhere on a whim.
There’s something specific about having an older woman in your corner who isn’t your mom. Someone a step outside the everyday, who gets to simply delight in you. And even though I wasn’t ever close with most of my aunts the way my kids are growing up to be with theirs, I know they showed up for my own mom when we were all younger. That counts, too. It always counts.
“There’s something specific about having an older woman in your corner who isn’t your mom. Someone a step outside the everyday, who gets to simply delight in you.”
Easy Ways to Include the Aunts in Your Life
The aunts show up without being asked, which is sort of the whole problem. When someone never asks for anything, it’s very easy to never give them anything. And if you’re reading this as the aunt, then you’re who I’m talking about. You probably assume it doesn’t register or that all the ways you show up are no big deal. It does, and they are. Sometimes we just get really bad at saying so.
Life’s busy. But here’s what I’m trying to be better about.
Inviting them into the boring stuff
If you have an aunt in your life that constantly says things like “let me know what you’ve got going on this month” or “I’d love to meet you guys sometime” or anything in that regard, send the message and invite them.
- Text them when you’re heading to the playground, library, or out for a walk
- Bring them along for errands, school pickup, bagel and coffee runs
- FaceTime while you’re playing in the sandbox, at lunch, during bathtime
- Send the boring pictures
- Invite them to the unglamorous stuff: haircuts, shoe shopping. Kids are inexplicably thrilled to have an audience for these
- Put them on the school pickup list
- Invite them over for dinner on takeout nights—taco Tuesday, Friday pizza
- Let them do a whole bedtime routine—bath, books, snuggles
- Ask for their advice. “What did you do when yours was like this?”
- Rope them into a project. Assembling a new bookshelf, putting together the water table
- Invite them to lessons and practices, not just games and recitals
Making traditions
- An annual zoo trip, play, museum visit
- Aunt sleepovers—kids at their house or her at your house
- A standing FaceTime on the calendar
- Let her pick a special holiday moment: Decorating gingerbread houses, visiting the pumpkin patch, sparklers on the front lawn with popsicles.
- Same photo, same spot, every year
Trying small ways to say thank you to an aunt
- Texts that say some version of: “I see you, I appreciate you, I love you.”
- Venmo her a coffee
- Have the kids make something (cards, letters, pictures) and mail it
- A voice memo or video from time to time from your child
- Send a photo of the gift she gave being used
- Tell her, word for word, the thing your child said about her
- Put a photo of her in your kid’s room
- Get her in the family photo
- Check in on her stuff. Her big work week, her hard month, her date, her new exercise class, the book she’s reading
I’m Somebody’s Aunt, Too
This is the part I keep snagging on. I’m an aunt myself, and I have no idea if I’m doing any of this well. But I hope I am. Maybe you’re on both sides of it, too. Someone is showing up for you, and you’re showing up for someone else, and almost none of it ever gets said out loud. It’s not that we don’t feel it. It’s that the people who show up in the day-to-day are the easiest people in the world to take for granted.
My kids won’t remember a time these women weren’t theirs.
So, to the aunts—however you became one—we do see you. We’re finally trying to say it out loud. Thank you for showing up before anyone thought to ask.
Danielle Bouchard, Contributing Writer
Danielle is a New England–based freelance writer and editor whose work focuses on motherhood, family, education, and lifestyle content. As a toddler mom with another baby on the way, she loves exploring the everyday moments that shape modern motherhood. When she’s not outside playing with her son, she’s most likely searching for her next great read or walking their very enthusiastic dog.
