"I love the holidays, but for me, the season also comes with a note of dread. While I appreciate all the decorations, festive foods, and family traditions, the work that goes into being Chief Holiday Magic Maker for my family often leaves me exhausted and depleted. Itâs left me yearning for the best ways for managing the mental load at the holidays. As we continue to up the ante on the holidays, the mental load that moms carry during this time of year only grows. This year, though, Iâm making changes to lighten my load and make sure I get to experience my fair share of joy, too.Â
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We know the holidays as the most magical time of the year. Itâs exactly what we want for our kids, and for ourselves as well. Still, according to a survey done by American Psychological Association, stress around the holidays increased significantly for 38% of people surveyed. Now thatâs not very holly and jolly, is it? To keep the holiday spirit alive and well, itâs clear we need to find simple ways to manage the mental load.
Hereâs how Iâm easing my mental load this holiday seasonâand how you can, too.
Understanding the Mental Load of the Holidays
Moms understand mental load whether they realize it or not. Not only do parents handle a hefty to-do list day in and day out, they also manage the planning and emotional investment of those tasksâAKA, the mental load. As great as the holiday season is, it often requires even more of us than other times of year. Not only do we tackle regular weekly schedules, but weâre also gift shopping, playing âSanta,â planning extensive Elf on the Shelf stunts, managing interactions with extended family, and so much more. It can be a lot, and a lot of common triggers can arise. During this time, itâs more important than ever to take care of ourselves. If that alone seems like a lot, youâre in good company. Thatâs where the following tips for managing the mental load at the holidays comes in. Read on for my top tips:
Effective Holiday Mental Load Management Tips
Prioritize and Plan Early
The mental load of tasks can quickly become compounded when weâre trying to tackle everything at once. As much as possible, Iâm trying to plan ahead this year. That means planning and purchasing holiday gifts in November. When I need to prioritize several things, it helps me to make a list. This way, I can think about what needs to get done by when, how much time each task will take, and prioritize order. When you get a minute, it doesnât hurt to make a holiday checklist. Whether youâre a paper and pen kind of person or prefer a notes app or something digital, writing it out can be incredibly helpful.
Streamlining traditions
One of the things I love most about the holidays is the heartwarming feeling of familiar traditions. Trying to honor too many routines and rituals, though, can transform them into stressors. This year Iâm evaluating my familyâs traditions and streamlining them to focus on quality over quantity. Iâm prioritizing the ones that bring the most joy and meaning and letting go of those that feel like just one more thing on my to-do list.Â
Simplifying traditions
On top of evaluating family traditions, Iâm also looking for ways to simplify some of the traditions that are important to my family. For example, every year my kids look forward to delivering treats to the local fire station. And while in the past theyâve enjoyed baking them with me, for them the thrill is mostly about showing up at the station bearing gifts. This year weâll leave the baking to someone else by delivering goodies purchased at our local holiday market.
Giving donations instead of gifts
Iâm grateful to have so many wonderful friends and family members in my life, but this can also make holiday shopping feel overwhelming. Plus, most of the people I love would be the first to tell you theyâre not in need of any more stuff. This year Iâm using the money I would have spent on gifts to make donations to causes that matter to my loved ones.
One frequent complaint I hear about making a donation instead of giving a gift is that it can feel impersonal. One remedy Iâve found for that is Heifer International. This is a global non-profit that works to end hunger and poverty around the world. They have a great âgiftâ catalog where you can specify what exactly youâre donating in someoneâs nameâwhether itâs a flock of chickens for Aunt Agnes, a hive of honey bees for Cousin Bob, or a baby goat for your younger sibling.
Being mindful of spending
Thereâs a whole other layer to the mental load that comes with managing post-holiday finances. This year, Iâm being proactive with my budgeting to save myself stress later on. It can be easy to get caught up in the excess of the season and want it to be perfect for your family. That doesnât mean you have to overspend, though. When the impulse strikes to add âjust one moreâ gift for the kids to my Amazon cart, Iâll remind myself that what theyâll remember most about the season are the experiences, not their gifts.
Setting realistic expectations
If youâre the one carrying the mental load at the holidays, chances are youâre responsible for it in other areas of life, too. And, unfortunately, real lifeâlike laundry, dentist appointments, and coordinating childcareâdoesnât pause for the holidays. You canât do it all, so you might as well not set out to.
This year Iâm giving myself permission to take things off my list or to do them differently. I wonât be saying yes to every invitation. I might even (gasp) bring store-bought cookies to a baking swap. This way Iâll be sure to have the energy to focus on what truly matters to me and my family. After all, the holiday season is about creating meaningful memories, not trying to achieve perfection.
Delegating responsibilities
One of the most effective ways to reduce the mental load is to delegate responsibilities. So go ahead and assign tasks to family members and friends, like meal planning, grocery shopping, or decorating. Even young children can get involved. This year I taught my 6-year-old how to gift wrap and he loves it so much I made it his responsibility. Not only does this sharing of tasks alleviate some of the pressure, but it also fosters a sense of teamwork and collaboration. It gets everyone invested in helping to create the magic of the holidays
Outsourcing where possible
Doing everything yourself doesnât make the holiday magic any more ârealâ than if you get help. If itâs financially feasible, choose some things to outsource, particularly tasks you find less joyful. For me, thatâs hiring a cleaning service before I entertain. Fortunately, whether itâs ordering out for your holiday meal or paying someone to put up your Christmas lights, these days thereâs a service for just about everything.
If money is a limiting factor, get creative and trade tasks with a friend. If you love gift wrapping but hate holiday baking, offer to wrap a friendâs presents if they bring you a tray of goodies you can use at your next gathering. While this may not save you much time, at least youâll be spending it doing something you enjoy.
Practicing self-care
The stress that comes from the mental load of the holidays can wreak havoc on both our physical and mental well-being. In the midst of all the magic youâre creating for others, be sure to make space for yourself. Move your body regularly, get enough sleep, and set boundaries where needed. Youâre not required to socialize with anyone who makes you uncomfortable, even if theyâre family. Youâre allowed to take breaks, leave tasks undone, and RSVP no. Whatever it takes to preserve your sense of joy and serenity, prioritize it.
If self-care has had to be placed on the back burner recently and you could use some ideas on how to manage mental health during the holidays, consider the following:
- Take a hot bath with a holiday scented candle
- Read a low stakes holiday rom-com book
- Plan a date with a close friend
- See a ballet, play, or concert for a night out of the house
- Book a babysitter and get a holiday inspired date night on the calendar
- Bake a holiday treat that you love
Embrace Imperfection
Perhaps half of what makes holiday stress management difficult is the immense expectations we set. We set them for others, our traditions, and certainly for ourselves. This year, itâs my goal to embrace imperfections. Whatâs great about that is sometimes they make perfect memories. Instead of feeling defeated when the pie comes out burnt, laugh it off and pick up one from the store. Run out of wrapping paper? Transform the newspaper in the recycling bin into festive wrapping. The holidays are meant to be enjoyed. When we take the pressure off of ourselves, we open up to even more fun.
Sometimes it feels like the holidays are made up of approximately one million individual tasks. At the end of the day, though, theyâre composed of memoriesâour own as well as those of our loved ones. We deserve to experience every ounce of the joy we create for others, even at the expense of the to-do list.
Caitlin Weaver, Contributing Writer
Caitlin is a writer and editor living between Atlanta and Toronto. She has covered an extensive range of parenting, wellness, and empowering motherhood content for The Everymom. When not chasing her two young boys, she can be found on her yoga mat or tackling her ever-growing TBR pile.
Brett Nicole Hayden, Assistant Editor
As the Assistant Editor, Brett works with the editors of The Everymom on the content creation process by updating stories, sourcing images and graphics, and pitching and contributing her own articles. Her favorite topics to write about are culture, relationships, and living. Sheâs also The Everymomâs resident baby names and family movies expert!