"I was one of my first friends to have a baby, and, while the pregnancy was planned, it happened quicker than anticipated. So I felt a little unprepared for the actual cost and logistics of starting a family. The biggest surprise for me and my husband? The sticker shock of childcare. At the time, we lived in Chicago, and not only were the daycare waitlists inexplicably long (were people adding their names before they even conceived?), but also the monthly rates for facilities near us were more than our mortgage. We wondered how anyone could afford to have a baby, much less more than one child. After touring multiple daycare centers, we decided we needed a childcare alternative. I’d met a couple moms who’d done a nanny share, so we decided to explore that option.
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At first, I was intimidated by the prospect of meeting another family and interviewing nannies together. How would we ever find a family we were comfortable with who lived nearby? And then find a nanny we both liked? But it turned out to be easier than I thought and was one of the best decisions we made in early parenthood. Here’s how I did a nanny share with my first baby and what I learned from the experience.
A nanny share is pretty self-explanatory: two (or more) families agree to share a childcare provider. With a nanny share, your baby gets the benefits of early socialization and more individualized care in a home setting, while families share the cost of childcare. For us at the time, this meant a childcare cost of about $1600/month for a nanny share versus $2200/month for daycare.
When I talked to other moms who’d done a nanny share, a few suggested posting to an online neighborhood group first to find other families who were expecting around the same time. We started our search during my third trimester, and within a day of posting and exchanging a few texts, we had a meeting set up with another family who lived only a few blocks away from our house. Through the course of our conversations, we realized we both had dogs, wanted to split the time at both of our houses, were in similar lines of work, and were due within a month of each other.
These were crucial details that helped us ensure our nanny share would work. Here are some considerations when trying to discover if another family is the right fit for a nanny share:
- Due dates near each other/children similar in age
- Similar work schedules
- Proximity to each other’s home
- Considerations if either parent work from home
- Pets and other children
- Similar values and parenting styles
- Similar caregiving expectations (i.e., TV only during naptime, getting kids outside, etc.)
- Similar budgets
- Housing logistics: Have you seen inside their home? Is there a quiet place for both babies to sleep? A safe place for them to play? Will it be easy for the nanny to get both babies out of the house if needed?
- Plans for a nanny share agreement, including minimum notice if leaving the share.
If I’m honest, it felt too easy to find our nanny share family. But one major lesson I learned during our nanny share experience was that we shouldn’t hesitate if it feels right.
Hiring the Right Nanny
We agreed to start interviewing nannies after the babies were born since we both had 12 weeks of maternity leave. Any nanny looking for a job would likely want to start within a few weeks, so it didn’t make sense to interview while we were both pregnant.
Where to Find Nannies
There are a few places to find a nanny: agencies, referrals, or online platforms. We wrote a job post together for the online platform Sittercity. We wanted someone with some college education, some experience nannying, whose rate was within our budget, and a person who just gave off a good vibe in their profile.
We had over 30 applicants, so each family reviewed them individually and chose our favorite nannies. We then reviewed them together and agreed on a few to contact. Some came off our list fast—they’d either been hired already, had rates above our budget, or just didn’t respond. But we ended up with a list of about five nannies to interview in person.
The other mom and I met at a nearby coffee shop with a list of nanny interview questions. We had the nannies meet us there for 30-minute in-person interviews. I’ll admit the other mom was much more decisive than me—this was her second baby, and she’d already been through the nanny share process. So when we both had a good feeling about one of the nannies, she suggested we call her immediately to offer her the job (we checked her references later). Our chosen nanny accepted and checked out, so we were on our way.
Having a Trial Run
While on maternity leave, I had the other mom over for lunch with her new baby so she could see how we were setting up the space for the kids. She did the same for me. Additionally, we each had our nanny over for a paid hour of care so she could get comfortable with us and the baby. Thankfully, all went well, so our nanny share was a go once I went back to work.
Unlike dropping your child off at daycare, a nanny share is in your home or someone else’s home. This means families need to be aligned on a number of logistics, including:
Set Up and Scheduling
- Set homes up for two babies: two sleeping areas, a double stroller/wagon, two high chairs (we used a travel high chair and a standard high chair), etc.
- Schedules: Agree on core hours and payment plans for any time outside those hours. In our nanny share, all parents had long commutes, so we planned 10-hour workdays for our nanny to cover our commuting and work hours. Plus, we had a range for pick-up times between 5:30 and 6 p.m. since all parents relied on public transportation. If one of us missed a train, it could mean we picked up 10 minutes later than planned.
- Location: Are you rotating, or is the nanny share only at one home? We rotated. And I have to say, the mornings at our house were so much less stressful.
- Drop Off/Pick Up Procedure: We had the nanny stay until both parents had picked up.
Daytime Expectations
- Meals: Are you packing your baby meals/snacks/bottles? Or splitting the cost of formula and baby food? Are you providing food for the nanny, or should they plan to pack their own?
- Daily Expectations: Screentime? Getting outside? Nap time schedules? Meals and diaper changes? Enrichment activities? You’ll want a way to capture it all as you would with any childcare provider.
- Handling Vacation and Sick Days: We gave our nanny 10 paid vacation/sick days. If one of the kids was sick, their parents stayed home, and our nanny still watched the other baby. But just like daycare, the babies pretty much got each other sick, so it was usually just a matter of time. When our nanny was sick, it was a bit of a scramble, as I had back-up daycare through my job, but the other family had to figure out their own solution.
- Watching Other Children: Our nanny share family also had a school-age child, so on school vacations or days he was off school, we agreed it would be OK if our nanny would watch their older child, too. On those days, the other family was responsible for hosting at their home and paying our nanny for extra care on those days.
Communication and Transparency
- Points of Contact: We communicated mostly through text during the day and had a shared Google Doc where our nanny kept track of her hours.
- Nannycams and Monitors: Neither family in our share had nannycams, but if you do, you’ll want to ensure the nanny is aware of any cameras or baby monitors you’ll be checking in the home.
Costs and Payment Structure
Our nanny kept track of her hours and expenses in a shared Google spreadsheet, and we paid her every two weeks. We gave her a guaranteed number of hours each week and then would pay her extra for any additional time worked. We paid via a cash app, which meant we didn’t manage her taxes, but we also weren’t able to take advantage of dependent care tax benefits. Each family and nanny arrangement will need to determine what’s best for their situation.
We kept pretty open communication with regular nanny check-ins and between the families. So it seemed like she felt comfortable letting us know when things were challenging. For example, when the babies started eating solids, our nanny let us know it was tough making two separate meals for the babies when they could essentially eat the same thing. She also suggested moving our portable crib to a different spot in the house so one baby could sleep better.
We loved our nanny and wanted her to continue working with us, so we raised her hourly rate after a year, gave her rides home during weather issues, and made sure she took her paid vacation time (we planned our own family trip during hers so we wouldn’t need to coordinate backup care!).
Lessons Learned & Final Tips
Our nanny share experience ended when our family moved away. My daughter was 18 months old, and our nanny was the only other caregiver she’d ever known. I cried when we had to say goodbye. I knew we’d be back to visit Chicago but likely wouldn’t see our beloved nanny again (we did have one playdate meet-up since!).
We truly valued her as part of our parenting team. She taught our baby sign language, took her to art and music classes, and introduced her to new experiences around the city. Not to mention the baby from our nanny share family became our daughter’s first friend. Having a nanny share was a great experience for us all, and, even though we did daycare after we moved to a new city, I’d always recommend a nanny share first.
Kathy Sisson, Senior Editor
Kathy Sisson has been a key contributor in the editorial parenting space for eight years, not only as a full-time editor at The Everymom but previously as a freelance writer for top parenting sites, including Scary Mommy, Motherly, Parent Co., and more. As an editor at The Everymom, she has produced hundreds of articles on a range of parenting topics, reviewed dozens of family-focused products, interviewed leading experts in the children and parenting world, and created viral parenting social media content. A mom of two, she is committed to sharing the honest, helpful, and often humorous stories of motherhood.