"When you’re pregnant, you may find yourself doing hours of research on what you should register for in advance of your baby shower. Considering which car seats have the best safety ratings and which sleep sacks have the best reviews. You may also be weighing in on the cutest baby shower theme or shopping for your baby shower dress. But one thing that may not be on your radar is your mom or mother-in-law having a shower for themselves—a term that’s been coined as “grandma showers.” Suddenly, the statement “we are pregnant” takes on a whole new meaning.
The trend of grandma baby showers has been sparking internet debates since as early as 2014. It resurfaced in 2020 and continues today between moms-to-be. On TikTok, you can find plenty of videos about grandma showers with comments like user Kaitlyn Baerwald’s saying, “Why are you trying to upstage the parents?” Multiple users agree these showers are “inappropriate” and have people erring this trend on the side of tacky. While we’re not behind a grandma-to-be who wants to upstage the parents-to-be, others are open to other perspectives.
For example, Abigail Moseman, Social Media Editor for The Everygirl Media Group, shared her opinion on grandma showers, “It’s kind of fun and sweet… I feel like as you get older, there are not as many milestones you get to share, and you may have new friends that weren’t around for those in the first place.” So, before we graded this act as a cringeworthy grandma moment, we wanted to explore when this trend could work for some families.
What is a Grandma Shower?
A traditional baby shower is meant to celebrate parents-to-be. Friends and family throw a party where mingling, opening presents, eating cake, and playing baby shower games are common activities that can take place.
With a grandma shower, the honorary guest is the grandma rather than the parents. These showers have evolved and taken different renditions since the trend first started, so we can’t ignore the situations in which a grandma may be attention-seeking. An example of a grandma shower can be a sprinkle where it’s a small celebration acknowledging the start of a new era with gifts or no gifts.
When do Grandma Showers Make Sense?
The U.S. Department of Labor Blog reported in 2023 that the median annual price of childcare for an infant ranged from $7,461 to $15,417. So doubling up on baby gear for grandma’s house can be beneficial if grandparents are going to be helping with childcare. Having to constantly pack and unpack everything your baby needs in a bag is just another thing to add to your running to-do list—let’s not forget to mention there’s usually at least one thing forgotten at home each time.
Senior Managing Editor for The Everymom, Julia Poulter, also pointed out, “It must be kind of fun to buy and receive some newer baby gear items 30 years after you were showered with the gear of yesteryear.”
However, TikTok user, @morethangrand stated when “the grandmother shower rivals the shower for the actual parents, that’s where it crosses a line.”
Grandma Shower Etiquette
If you’re a grandma-to-be considering a grandma shower, it’s important to have the conversation with the parents-to-be to clear the air that it’s OK to have a grandma shower. Otherwise, you risk starting your grandparent journey off on the wrong foot like TikTok user @Gabwell who noted in a comment, “My MIL had one 2 weeks before mine and didn’t tell us. Not sure anything she has done has hurt me worse.”
The boundaries of what a grandma baby shower—is or isn’t—is up to you, but we love to see a grandma be celebrated when everyone is on board with the occasion. Random gal on TikTok shared, “My mum waited a long time to be a Nana and I was delighted her friends acknowledged that!”
What to Consider When it Comes to Grandma Showers
What’s appropriate and what’s just out of the question when it comes to grandma shower etiquette? Here are our top five things to consider:
- Have a conversation between the grandma and the parents-to-be before planning.
- Make sure the parents-to-be have everything they need before grandparents keep a gift from a grandparent shower.
- The guest list shouldn’t overlap with the parents-to-be baby shower guest list, especially if gifts are requested (i.e., it’s OK if grandma’s coworkers decide to throw a shower).
- The parents-to-be shouldn’t be expected to host the grandma shower.
- The parents-to-be are not expected to attend the grandma shower.
There are many ways a grandma shower can be twisted, and we’re still leaving the conversation open as to why you may or may not support this trend.
Patty Schepel, Editorial Intern
As the editorial intern, Patty works with The Everymom’s team on pitches, creating original articles, updating existing content, photo sourcing, writing shopping product descriptions, inputting freelance articles, and more. When she’s not working, you can find her spending time with her family, training for half marathons—she ran one 16 weeks pregnant—traveling, cooking, reading a rom-com, and keeping her sourdough starter, Rose, alive.