"When Campbell Puckett—better known to the Internet as “Pookie”—shared a video of her husband, Jett, giving her a push present ahead of the birth of their first baby, social media users had a lot of opinions.
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Some opinions are favorable ( “Every woman deserves this kinda love,” one user writes), but the majority of comments under Puckett’s video are… well, not.
“You got a ‘push present’ I thought that’s what the baby was,” one person comments. Another adds: “Ridiculous.. my ‘push present’ was our beautiful son. I loathe this shit.” And yet another user writes: “I feel so sorry for people who need/expect a ‘push present’. I’m grateful that I understood, valued and appreciated the gift of becoming a mother and my God-given right to have the ability to create another human being.”
But you know what I loathe? Mom-shaming. And yes, that’s what we’re seeing in these comments.
What is a push present?
A push present is a gift given to a new mom around the time she gives birth. Typically, a push present comes from the new mom’s partner. It can be viewed as a gift meant to honor the mother’s work of creating and birthing a whole human, or it can be viewed as a token to symbolize her transition into motherhood.
Are push presents a new trend?
Either way, the term “push present” is a relatively new one—even if the practice of bestowing gifts on a new mother is not. And, yes, the term itself is polarizing—a present for pushing out a baby. Push presents, along with things like babymoons, gender reveal parties, and maternity photoshoots, are often called out as “excessive” or “materialistic.” I once heard an older man say the moms of today have “too many expectations” in regards to these newer tropes (which have likely existed for decades but have been branded with these pithy titles thanks to social media).
The backlash on push presents explained
Pookie is, of course, not the first mom who has been shamed for receiving a push present (but notice how the shame is almost always directed at the mom, not the partner who actually *purchases* the gift?). She’s the most recent visible, viral representation of the judgment this concept (and the people who participate in it) receives.
And listen: Puckett’s push present, a Hermes bag that costs an estimated $34,000, is wildly unrelatable (the bag is in a shade of cream, no less—not exactly practical for #MomLife, one might argue). For most people, welcoming a baby comes with added financial strain. You’re more concerned with affording the astronomical costs of raising a child, and adding a luxury purchase to the mix just isn’t in the cards for many, if not most, new parents. In light of that, I get why people are sharing quips like, “My husband got me a Jimmy John’s sandwich“ under Puckett’s post.
But that’s not at the heart of most criticisms of push presents and the mothers who receive them. Instead, people love to insinuate that the new mother couldn’t just be happy to welcome the greatest gift of all, a new baby. Let’s unpack this idea.
My thoughts on push presents
I’ve been a journalist in the parenting space for a decade, and in that time I’ve heard countless arguments against push presents and criticism of the women who receive them. This applies to celebrities as well as “regular” people—even when the gift isn’t as extravagant as the one our girl Pookie received, the criticism feels similar… and similarly sanctimonious.
Of course a baby is the ultimate gift you receive when you give birth. But is it so wrong for a mother to also receive a token or a symbol of the incredible transition she’s making when she delivers? Is it so unbelievable to think maybe she’d like a physical object that will always hold incredible sentimental value or that her partner should choose to honor her role in the birth with a token?
In my opinion, that’s what a push present truly is: an item that will always symbolize a monumental life shift in a woman’s life. Maybe that token is a personalized gift with her baby’s initials or birthstone. Or maybe it’s a new diaper bag she can use to tote those new mom essentials. Or maybe it’s not a tangible thing at all, like hiring a night nurse or subscribing to a meal delivery service. A gift for a new mom doesn’t have to be as luxurious as Pookie’s new bag in order to be meaningful.
Defending the concept isn’t about saying that every new mom should receive one (I didn’t!). It’s about saying that the moms who do receive push presents don’t deserve the sanctimonious judgment.
Why push presents are stigmatized
A push present is ultimately just a present—a gift no different than a birthday present or a Christmas present, a symbol of someone’s love (gift-giving is *literally* a love language, after all) and appreciation for you on a special day. So, why are they so heavily stigmatized?
Unrealistic expectations thrust upon mothers
Push presents get a bad rap because of how our world views motherhood and what it expects of the women who step into the role. We impose this idea that once you have that baby, your needs and wants cease to matter. That’s why new moms are rarely asked how they’re doing or what would be helpful as they adjust to their new reality. It seems benign enough, this push present discourse, but it actually bleeds into a much larger issue.
The mommy martyr narrative
I believe this push present pushback is all rooted in the old mommy martyr narrative, the one that tells us that when we have kids, we must disappear into motherhood in order to be considered “devoted enough.” Under this narrative, moms are suffering in real ways, often at the expense of their mental or even physical well-being.
The narrative that you must completely stop wanting anything for yourself once you become a mom or that no one should take the time to spoil and celebrate you is stale—more than that, it’s part of the reason so many moms are physically, mentally, and emotionally depleted. Push present criticism is, of course, one tiny part of all this, but it all adds up.
It’s also just another example of how our world tells women in heterosexual relationships that they should accept the bare minimum from their male partners—and push presents, at their core, represent a way for the partners of birthing parents to step up and honor the person who has done the massive work of birthing a child.
Final thoughts on push presents
Not everyone gets a push present, and that’s OK. If money feels tight, or if it’s just not something you care about, there’s nothing wrong with that. But there’s also nothing wrong with getting a push present, whether it’s a massively expensive luxury purse or just a lovingly written homemade card. At the end of the day, our world is just way too quick to judge moms for every little thing, and we’re constantly uncomfortable with the idea that they can have interests or desires outside of motherhood once they enter the role.
Push presents aren’t a necessity, but they’re also not necessarily some wild extravagance or a sign that someone is more consumed with materialism than motherhood. Let’s not add push present judgment to a new mom’s already overflowing plate.