"True story: I didn’t realize until after I held a shower for my second baby that doing so was considered “controversial.” I’m the first of my friends to have kids and didn’t grow up in a large family—my baby culture knowledge was minimal, and I frankly just assumed a baby shower was traditional for every new arrival. I didn’t realize it was normally a custom reserved for the first baby.
But I’ll be honest: Even now that I know this, that one-and-done is the way baby showers are typically handled, I’m not wavering in my own practices. I’m currently pregnant with baby number three and am planning on throwing myself a shower. Here’s why.
Why I Believe Every Pregnancy Deserves a Baby Shower
Every Baby is Worth Celebrating
It doesn’t matter if it’s baby number two or baby number seven. I truly believe that every baby is worth celebrating. An infant is a brand new person, after all—and that’s pretty incredible! Baby showers tend to be associated with gifts (for good reason), but they’re also so much more. These events are an opportunity to come together and share excitement and love for the new human being getting ready to make their arrival. The idea of holding a shower for my firstborn and not my other children never felt right.
Mom is Worth Celebrating, Too
I can’t speak for all the moms of the world, but for me, pregnancy is really difficult. The physical changes, the mental and emotional hurdles—I’m tired and stressed (and a little bit nauseous) just thinking about it. While, of course, the prize at the end of the race is a beautiful baby (it doesn’t really get much better than that), a celebration also helps break up the marathon. For me, a baby shower is a really fun way to remind myself why, exactly, I’m enduring the difficulties in the first place.
I love holding my showers at the beginning of the third trimester as a motivational boost. Wearing a pretty dress and eating cute desserts feels especially appreciated when you’re struggling to tie your shoes on a daily basis.
When my kids are older, I want to be able to share photos and memories from each of their showers. I don’t want anyone feeling “left out” or coming to the wrong conclusion that the arrival of one baby was more joyous or celebrated than another’s. Equal treatment is a priority in my household, and that includes before birth.
It’s a Fun Way to Get Together With Family and Friends Before the Fourth Trimester
If you’ve had a baby, then you know the fourth trimester is not for the faint of heart. Even something as simple as running to the grocery store can feel like a monumental effort when you’re running on no sleep, adjusting to a new routine, and spending literally every minute ‘round the clock feeding the baby, changing the baby, and prepping to repeat actions one and two. It’s not a particularly social time.
Because making time for social events can feel challenging after the baby is born, a shower can be a natural way to get everyone together before the big event. After my first child was born, I spent a fair amount of time reflecting. In other words, I often asked myself, “Why didn’t I socialize/dine out/travel/fill in the blank more often before I became a mom?” While life certainly carries on after having a baby, I’ve also learned to live life to its fullest during the periods I’m not taking care of a newborn.
Planning Baby Showers for Second and Third Babies
I’m not sure whether there’s any formal baby shower for third child etiquette, but here’s how I put a spin on subsequent baby showers and make them more approachable.
I Plan Them Myself
Unlike a typical baby shower, which is normally planned by a close friend or family member, I planned my second child’s shower myself and am currently doing the same for my third. Because it isn’t my husband’s and my first rodeo, I don’t want to put the responsibility of planning and financing an event on anyone else. While I always receive (and accept) at least a handful of offers from others to help with food and decorations, I do also enjoy planning the events myself. Because I struggle mentally with being pregnant, I’ve found shower-planning to be an enjoyable distraction as well as an opportunity to feel closer to my unborn child.
I Rebrand the Event as a “Baby Celebration”
I don’t refer to these events as “baby showers,” as I’m truly not looking for folks to show up and shower myself and my baby with elaborate gifts or advice. In fact, I call them what they are—a “baby celebration.” While it’s not as catchy, I believe the title edit helps shift expectations and sets a more laid-back (less gift-driven) mood.
I Make it Clear That Gifts Aren’t Necessary
While I will always appreciate being gifted a new baby outfit or set of washcloths (these things often do need replenishing after the first baby runs their course with them), I make it clear to my guests that gifts are not required when attending one of our baby celebrations. For baby number two (and soon-to-be three), my husband and I already owned a lot of the “big ticket items” parents typically receive at their first shower. I would never want to appear as if we’re being materialistic, looking to “upgrade” what we have, or putting the pressure on guests to come up with gift ideas for parents who are already parents.
To be as clear as humanly possible, I write “gifts are not necessary” on the invites. While I do hold a diaper raffle (newborn parents can never have too many diapers), I also make it clear that participation is optional. While I sincerely appreciate receiving diapers, the raffle is also intended to be a low-stress activity for baby shower guests. After all, who doesn’t love winning a raffle prize?
Hot tip: If you do get invited to a subsequent baby shower and would like to bring a gift, clothing, towels, washcloths, diapers, wipes, and gift cards are always safe bets.
In Defense of Having Baby Showers for All of Your Children
While there are a lot of reasons not to hold baby showers for all of your children, ask yourself this: How many times in your life will you welcome a new baby into your heart and home? Chances are, probably no more than a handful.
If the thought of hosting—or at the very least attending—another shower feels exhausting or stressful, then throw that idea right out the window. But if the part of you that is just really excited about your new baby wants to also share that excitement with others and feel celebrated for an hour or two, then pick a date and a theme without a second thought. You’ll never regret taking every opportunity to celebrate the love you have for your child.
Emilee Janitz, Contributing Writer
Emilee is an accomplished communications strategist and lifestyle journalist. She currently works on the content team at Enterprise SEO company Terakeet where she creates and executes reputation management strategies for Fortune 500 companies. She is a Contributing Fashion Writer for The Everygirl and has additionally been published on POPSUGAR, Motherly, MSN, and Yahoo.