This summer is my 10-year-old daughter’s first unstructured summer away from a full-time day camp. It’s her first simple summer with long stretches of independent time to roam around the neighborhood with the other kids. In this time, our house has become one of the main hangout spots for this group of girls, and our basement is their headquarters. They can spend hours down there, keeping themselves entertained in the toy room they insist they are too old for but always use, or making themselves comfy with some snacks while watching a movie.
When I was growing up, my best friend lived across the street, and we always hung out in her basement. All these years later, I still remember the plates of Bagel Bites, the fridge of soda cans, and the big box TV we watched music videos on. Now, as an adult, I’m the one whose house has that vibe. It’s loud, it’s chaotic, it’s messy, it definitely adds to the grocery bill, but I love being a “cool basement” parent.
Who are ‘cool basement’ parents?
If you haven’t heard this term, it spread from the title of a viral thread on the r/parenting subreddit, now with nearly 500 comments. According to the post, becoming a “cool basement” parent “started when we converted our basement into a gaming area with an old couch, TV, and ping pong table. Nothing fancy, just somewhere the kids could be loud without us having to hear everything.” It then became the unofficial hangout for their kids’ friends.
“Cool basement” parents aren’t trying to be the “cool mom” from Mean Girls without limits or boundaries. Rather, they have reasonable rules like mentioned in the thread, “No drugs or alcohol, clean up your messes, respect the house and each other.”
I hope to stay as one of the neighborhood’s “cool basement” parents once we start the school year and for years to come. Because even though the setup comes with noise-induced headaches, it also comes with a lot of joy I’ve found along the way. Here’s why I hope to keep my title as “cool basement parent” as my kids grow.
Why I want to stay the ‘cool basement’ parent
I’m getting to know my daughter—and her friends—in a new way
I’m now getting a glimpse of who my daughter is away from me, her dad, and her sister. Seeing her interact with her friends shows more of what her personality is like at school and in other scenarios. I’m getting a lens into who she is growing up to become, and I’m seeing that she is kind, funny, and empathetic. She gets her friends laughing hard, and she’s great at making sure people feel included.
I’ve also gotten to know her friends better. As they’ve gotten more comfortable with me, they talk and interact with me. I’ve learned that they are a nice, respectful, adventurous group of kids. I’m glad my daughter has such a solid group of friends since they are some of the biggest influences in her upbringing alongside her family.
I’m building trust with my child
It’s definitely not relaxing to open your home to a group of 10-year-old girls—the background sound of my life now is conversations going 100 miles a minute about Sephora products. But I know my daughter likes having her friends around and being the friend with the house that they like to spend time at. By being willing to be this house for her friends, I’m showing that I’m interested in her social life and getting to know the people that are part of it. I’m building trust with her as I show that I’m respectful and not overly controlling while she entertains friends. She sees that I care and that I’m willing to take the time and effort to make our home a warm and welcoming environment for the group.
I hope this trust-building continues as she approaches her teen years. She is on the cusp of going into middle school, which I know comes with a lot of new experiences and social challenges. I hope the work I’m doing now keeps the comfort and lines of communication open for later, when she’s older and navigating tough situations.
I’m making core memories for both of us
There are so many spontaneous moments this summer that I know I’ll remember in the coming years, like a Friday night outdoor pizza party and multiple Eras tour dance parties.
I’m sure she’s made some core memories, too, laughing away in the basement with the other girls. I’m not sure what the specifics of those memories might be because I’m providing them with a safe and comfortable environment, and they are exercising some independence. But I’m not in the basement with them. They are lost in their own world for hours. And I am a steady and reliable presence during their comings and goings, and they feel comfortable interacting and joking with me when they see me elsewhere in the house.
How to be the hangout spot into the teen years
Though there can be a lot of extra bodies around, and it gets a little crowded, I’m glad we’ve built the loving, comfortable, fun environment we have in our home. I hope we’re still the “cool basement parents” as our children enter their teen years.
Being a “cool basement parent” isn’t just dependent on whether you have a finished basement with ping pong tables or video game consoles. You don’t even need a basement. It’s more about setting up a welcoming communal environment in your home and allowing your kids and their friends to spend time there independently, whether it’s in the basement, the backyard, or the rec room. It’s also about always having snacks on hand. Like, a lot of them.
Read more: I’m Parenting Like It’s the Early 2000s—Here’s How
Brigette Marshall, Contributing Writer
Brigette is a mom of two little girls and works full-time in project management, both at home and in the office. She loves book clubbing, antique shopping, watching documentaries, and convincing her husband to cook gourmet meals for her.
