"When the recent “I Met My Younger Self for Coffee” trend started going viral on social media, it also prompted me to reflect on what I would say to the younger version of me. I thought about 20-something me, working in downtown Chicago, living with roommates, discovering herself, and dreaming of the future. But the me I really wanted to have coffee with was the fresh-into-motherhood me. The person who thought being an eldest daughter and decades of babysitting had prepared her for the one thing she’d always wanted to be—a mother.
But nothing can prepare you for motherhood. Not really. The process of becoming a mother was not how I pictured it. (I don’t think many pregnant women fantasize about their water breaking all over the front seat of their car more than a month before their due date.) My baptism into motherhood was dramatic and scary. Followed by uncertainty as the postpartum blues settled in while I visited my preemie baby in the NICU.
What I Would Say to My Younger Mom Self
Oh, if I could hug that version of myself now. I’d tell her it would all be OK. Her baby would be thriving in a few short months (and she’d have another baby years later, through a much less traumatic experience). I’d tell her she’ll stop feeling imposter syndrome when referring to herself as so-and-so’s mom. And how free she would feel once she quit breastfeeding and just used formula, already. Especially because that baby she was fretting about feeding would grow to be an adventurous eater who loves spicy ramen, sushi, and Taco Bell. There’s so much more I’d want to tell her, more than could ever be shared over one coffee date, but here are a few more things I wish I knew when I was a younger mom.
A Letter to My Younger Mom Self
You Will Sleep Again
Those newborn nights are long. But sleep will come again, even though it doesn’t seem possible as you wait for the sun to rise after only sleeping in one-hour chunks. The toddler years will be tough on your sleep, too, and more nights than not, you’ll have a 3 a.m. visitor inches from your face whisper-yelling, “Can I come into your bed?” But it won’t last forever, and you’ll actually need an alarm clock again.
Those middle-of-the-night visits will also become increasingly rare. So when they happen, you’ll do what you begrudgingly did back then: You’ll open the covers, let them crawl in, and wonder how they can feel so big yet still so little as you curl your arms around them.
Take All the Photos and Videos
Also, as your kids grow, your phone’s camera roll will evolve. What started as squirmy, smiling babies and toddler soliloquies will become selfies from the times they stole your phone and pictures of what they want to buy with their allowance. You take a lot less pictures and videos of your kids when they’re older—and they almost always complain about it—so snap ‘em while you can.
Being on your phone with kids around is a balance, and you don’t just want to be experiencing their childhood from behind a screen. But you’re also going to want those photos and videos when your tweens are in bed upstairs, and you’re sitting on the couch scrolling at 10 p.m. The cute video of a before-bedtime dance party in their matching Little Sleepies PJs will make you want to time travel back, even if just for a moment.
Get Out of the House
Even though it’s hard and even though it takes forever to find everyone’s shoes, sippy cups, and buckle them into their car seats, all those little adventures build your confidence as a mom. And now the zoo, the library, the museum, and your favorite coffee shop hold so many memories.
The same goes for family travel. Whether taking a road trip or hopping on a multi-hour solo flight with the kids to Disney World, the only way to get more confident adventuring as a family is to do it. The memories are worth it—and it gets so much easier as the kids get older.
You Will Always Look Forward to Bedtime
Bedtime is two things at once. When your babies are young, bedtime is a break: from feeling touched-out, overstimulated, and constantly needed. But you kind of love the process of bedtime—the snuggling, rocking, and reading as a soothing way to wind down the day, even if it sometimes takes forever.
Then they become toddlers, and bedtime is a battle. But there is still the beauty of reading bedtime stories snuggled beside them in their soft, comfy pajamas while they ask unexpected questions like “What happens when we die?” and “Mom, when did you get so pretty?”
Now, bedtime is when your kids’ guard is down. They’ve decompressed from school and processed their day. Sometimes you read together, and sometimes you just talk. Questions get bigger, and conversations get more meaningful. And sometimes your big kids still even want a back scratch or a snuggle. Their bedtime is so much later, though, and some nights you go to bed just after they do.
They’ll Eventually Need You Less
Motherhood can swallow you up if you let it, but at a certain point, your kids will start needing you a lot less, and you might feel lost. The transition will feel sudden, and you might find yourself alone at a school event with no one who needs a push on a swing or a snack to be opened. In fact, you will not even know where your kids have run off to. You’ll then commit to broadening your circle of moms at school—and make your husband come to some of these events in the future.
Don’t wait; start making those connections with other parents when your kids are young—children are great conversation starters. Volunteer at school when you can, drive to the field trips, and don’t turn down invitations from other moms, even if it gives you a little social anxiety. Make time to spend time with your old friends, too, and don’t skip the girls’ trip. Your kids want to see a mother with friends, hobbies, and passions. You’re their primary example of what to want and expect from adulthood. So make sure you’re pouring into yourself sometimes—they’re watching.
You Think You Love Your Kids Now, But Just Wait
You barely know them. Sure, you’re getting glimpses into their personalities as babies and toddlers, but they’re just getting started. Yes, one will always be a worrier and do things a little bit differently than everyone else. But you have no idea she’ll become a gifted artist or gracefully leap across a stage in a talent show she signed up for herself.
And, yes, your second child is fiercely independent and never sits still. But you have no idea that she’ll channel that movement into multiple sports—and actually be good at them (she doesn’t get it from you). Or that you’ll discover she not only made you laugh as a cute toddler, but she also has real wit that can crack up a room.
You may think it’s not possible to love them any more than you do now, but they will surprise you again and again. Your heart grows as they do, even if sometimes you find yourself longing for the simpler days when a kiss could solve a crisis and a princess Band-Aid made everything better. But life isn’t simple. It’s layered, complex, and beautiful… just like your kids.
Kathy Sisson, Senior Editor
Kathy has been a key contributor in the editorial parenting space for eight years, not only as a full-time editor at The Everymom but previously as a freelance writer for top parenting sites, including Scary Mommy, Motherly, Parent Co., and more. As an editor at The Everymom, she has produced hundreds of articles on a range of parenting topics, reviewed dozens of family-focused products, interviewed leading experts in the children and parenting world, and created viral parenting social media content. A mom of two, she is committed to sharing the honest, helpful, and often humorous stories of motherhood.
This article is brought to you by our friends at Little Sleepies. As a fellow women-founded brand that understands the importance of enjoying the little moments, community is at the heart of their craftsmanship and brand mission.