“You sure do have your hands full,” said another well-meaning stranger about my current life stage—having two kids less than two years apart. I wasn’t completely sure I even wanted more than one child. So I definitely hadn’t pictured having kids so close in age. However, as with most things in motherhood, we can only control so much, including the exact spacing between our children.

Don’t get me wrong, having kids close in age has some amazing perks. But moms with two under 2, three under 3, or (gasp) four under 4—know it isn’t always easy. Experts agree it’s normal to feel overwhelmed by the prospect of parenting two kids close in age. Susan Newman, Ph.D., social psychologist and author of Little Things Long Remembered: Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day, shared in an article for The Everymom that, “there’s a ‘How will ever I do this!’ feeling.” But on the flip side, once baby arrives, she shared parents’ thinking will often change to “‘I can do this’ or
 at least, ‘difficult, but not as hard as I thought—doable.’”

Here, moms share the truth about what it’s like having kids close in age, what was helpful, what they would’ve done differently, and what their life looks like now.

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In this article
1 What the early stage of having kids close in age is really like
2 What was helpful as a mom of two under 2?
3 What was not helpful?
4 What it’s like having kids close in age as they grow

What the early stage of having kids close in age is really like

“My kids are 19 months apart, and having 2 under 2 was very unplanned. We survived the first year using the divide-and-conquer method. I was breastfeeding, so my baby girl was with me, and her big brother was with Dad. Looking back, I wish we had traded them off a bit more, cause we both feel like we missed too much of the other kid’s stage.” – Steph A.

“Dividing my time between both kids’ needs is the most difficult for me, and I really struggled during those first few weeks.” – Kasia G.

“One of the biggest challenges was nursing/pumping when my toddler needed me.” – Christine C.

“I had three under three
it was a blur, no sleep. Now they love on each other so much and protect each other.” – Kelly R.

“Opposite nap schedules [was a challenge]. Now they entertain themselves and just need supervision.” – Kristen G.

“Those early days were survival mode–oh my gosh, I look back at photos, and I was clearly struggling; zero time was spent on myself. I think I went an entire year without a haircut. [At the same time] We came out of the baby phase all at once—and suddenly life felt lighter.” – Alaina K. 

“Ages 1-3 were absolutely the toughest. But there are pros and cons at every age and stage, and it’s important to remember that it’s all temporary. That can be both a relief and a little sad. I didn’t ‘enjoy every moment’ as people say online because every moment just wasn’t enjoyable. However, I did my best to document the good ones. Those are the ones you want to remember the most, no matter how brief they are.” – Steph A.

“It’s not always easy to remember that it’s all a stage, and it doesn’t make the days any less trying, but it’s the truth. As time goes on, you fall a little more into routine and things seem a little easier once you start to get the hang of it.” – Liz G.

two under 2
Source: Steph Alleva-Cornell

What was helpful as a mom of two under 2?

Prep and organization

“We packed like we were moving every time we left the house. Diapers, bottles, backup outfits
 of course, we still always forgot something. Like 100 percent every time,” shared Alaina, “Keep a bag stocked with essentials in the car because we always found ourselves missing things (extra change of clothes, wipes, who knows). But any time I remembered to stock the car, and the item was there when I needed it, it was the greatest gift!”

Aligning nap schedules

The peace of naptime is so needed for moms with little ones who are close in age. Multiple moms shared that aligning their children’s nap schedules really helped make things easier.  

Docking stations

“We lived with a Pack ‘n Play set up in our living room for at least half a year, at least—it was wonderful if we ever needed to put our toddler in it to stay safe while we tended to something else (the baby, the dogs, a meal, who knows). It wasn’t pretty, but it was practical.” – Alaina K.

Staying flexible with feeding

“Remember: formula is not the enemy. I can’t imagine how I would have done it if I had breastfed
 bottle feeding made life so much easier during this busy season.” – Alaina K.

“Trying to prevent my toddler from climbing all over me while I sat topless nursing the new guy, to my constant stress from worrying about my supply—it was definitely not the same experience as my first go around. I became a combo-feeding enthusiast. It was not my plan to use formula so early on, but every baby is different, and every life situation is different.” – Liz G. 

Getting creative with family meals

“We planned to do a meal delivery service following my second c-section so that cooking would be one less thing to worry about those first weeks postpartum, and it was so helpful we ended up subscribing for months.” – Alaina K.

“[Instead of cooking], sometimes I give my toddler ‘picnic dinner’ consisting of all the random items we have in the pantry with a veggie pouch tossed in for good measure. Guess what? He absolutely loves it.” – Liz G.

Accepting help

“My mom moved in with us for six weeks when baby #2 was born, and to say it was helpful is an understatement
We were fortunate, of course, and not everyone has access to that sort of help.If you have the means, hire a loving babysitter or nanny for a few hours a day for your older toddler.” – Liz G.

“Take all the help you can get! When someone offers to help, say yes!” – Alaina K.

What was not helpful?

Many moms shared what they wish people would stop saying or assuming when you have kids close in age. Here are a few of the biggest offenders:

  • “Are they twins? Are you sure?” — Constance J. Yes, I’m 100 percent sure 😑.
  • “Just wait, they’re going to hate each other.” — Rebecca P.
  • “Did you want it that way? Was it a mistake?” — Radwa M-Y.
  • “You know there are pills you can take to avoid that, right?” — Jen B.
  • “You need to get fixed!” — Jerrica O.
  • “Are they [both] your real children?” — Kristin B.
  • “Do you do daycare?” — Jo B.
  • “How do you afford it?” — Autumn L.

And the worst offender in all of parenting: “You think it’s hard now, just wait,” shared Tamera J. For any mom, comparing future struggles often feels like someone is trying to invalidate our current experience. So, unless the “just wait until” is something positive, moms of kids close in age—or kids any age—don’t need to hear it.

Source: Alexandra Pagar-Wolf

What it’s like having kids close in age as they grow

For those moms in the thick of the early parenting days with kids close in age, here is some more helpful encouragement from moms who’ve been there:

“Just because something is hard doesn’t mean it’s not enjoyable. It doesn’t mean it’s not a special season of your life. I look back now and see chaos and survival, but I also see lots of laughs.” – Liz G.

“You get to build on the year prior. For example, kindergarten registration this year was like a copy and paste from the year before with my oldest.” – Melissa G. 

“Now that they’re 4 and almost 6, there’s finally less chaos (mostly). No more daycare bills, no more baby/toddler gear taking over our house, and no nap schedules to worry about. They’re more independent, collaborative, and imaginative. Looking back, I’m glad we had them close in age, especially because we aren’t having any more. We got through the baby/toddler era in one shot, and now we get to see them grow up together, side-by-side.” – Steph A. 

“Their bond is so strong, and I love watching them play and care for each other,” – Christine C. 

“Now they are both in school all day, and when they are home, they just
 play. For hours. They have a built-in best friend, and it’s the greatest gift. It helps that they have the same interests (Legos, sports). It was exhausting in a way I didn’t know was possible—but also fleeting in a way I didn’t expect. Looking back, it was all a blur. I’d do two under two again in a heartbeat. Hardest season, best outcome.” – Alaina K.

Melissa Guida-Richards
ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Melissa Guida-Richards, Contributing Writer

Melissa is an author, adoptee, and mom of two boys. She has authored two books, Bedtime, The Ultimate Battle and What White Parents Should Know About Transracial Adoption, and runs a podcast, Adoptee Thoughts, in her spare time.

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Kathy Sisson the everymom
ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kathy Sisson, Senior Editor

Kathy Sisson has been a key contributor in the editorial parenting space for over eight years, not only as a full-time editor at The Everymom but previously as a freelance writer for top parenting sites, including Scary Mommy, Motherly, Parent Co., and more. As an editor at The Everymom, she has produced hundreds of articles on a range of parenting topics, reviewed dozens of family-focused products, interviewed leading experts in the children and parenting world, and created viral parenting social media content. A mom of two, she is committed to sharing the honest, helpful, and often humorous stories of motherhood.

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