If I were limited to recommending one simple way to add a splash of extra fun, pleasure, and comfort to intimacy, it would be lube. Sexual lubricants are easily overlooked for a variety of reasons. Some worry that using them means you don’t get wet enough “naturally.” Others assume that they will inevitably irritate your vulva. While any fear or doubt is totally valid, it would also be a shame to miss out on a valuable resource that could potentially enhance your sex life in fulfilling ways.
It’s true—women are particularly sensitive to the impact of using lubricant, which is a blessing and a curse. Our vulvas are mostly made up of mucosal membranes. Therefore, anything that comes into contact with them is fairly easily absorbed and can head to our bloodstream. That can be wonderful if you’re applying a lube with ingredients intended to heighten arousal and sensitivity. On the other hand, it can be a disaster if a lube includes an ingredient that disagrees with your pH. That’s what leaves you with an uncomfortable yeast infection. The goal is meeting the perfect lube(s) that deliver you optimum enjoyment with no repercussions—something that is 100 percent possible!
For moms, however, that holy grail of lubes is probably the most subject to change. Moms can find themselves at a variety of life stages linked to their vulvas. You could be trying to conceive, be pregnant, postpartum, or breastfeeding, be entering perimenopause or menopause, and so on. Oftentimes, this can warrant paying special attention to a lube that is going to meet you exactly where you’re at. That’s why we’ve spoken with a sexual wellness expert and rounded up the best lubes for moms for every occasion. Keep reading to find yours!
Kiana Reeves, Somatic Sex Educator
In addition to being a Somatic Sex Educator, Kiana Reeves is a certified sexological bodyworker, pelvic health practitioner, certified doula, and Foria’s Chief Education Officer. With a lifelong passion for sexual wellness and female reproductive health, Kiana has been practicing in these fields for over 10 years.
The benefits of using lube
We asked Kiana Reeves, a somatic sex educator and certified sexological bodyworker, about the benefits of sexual lubricants. She said encouragingly, “The benefits of using lube are endless!” Whether it’s heightened arousal, protection against discomfort, extended playtime, or diversifying sexual activity possibilities, lube can make things sexy and satisfying.
Reeves explained that in tandem with our body’s natural ability to self-lubricate, lube creates an effective barrier between the walls of the vagina and any penetration. By doing so it helps minimize any friction, which can be the cause of discomfort, pain, or vaginal tears. Instead, your focus gets to be on connecting more fully with your pleasure.
Lube can also allow for more sexual experimentation. For example, let’s say you’re trying to explore anal play. Reeves emphasized lube is a must in that case because our rear ends don’t lubricate naturally like our vulvas do. She also added that silicone or oil-based lubes are specifically beneficial for shower sex sessions because water can wash away your natural lubrication (or any water-based lube you’ve applied).
But shouldn’t I be able to get “wet enough” naturally?
This is by far one of the most common and unfortunate stigmas around lube. Many women (and their partners) are under the impression that their self-lubrication should be enough to enjoy a sexual encounter. What’s more, as Reeves pointed out, “There’s an assumption that every time a woman is aroused, she gets wet, which isn’t always the case. Some women get really wet naturally when they’re aroused, and some don’t, even if they’re feeling the same levels of pleasure.”
Moreover, it’s also important to remember your menstrual cycle, being pregnant, or entering perimenopause and menopause all involve hormonal fluctuations. Those changes can impact the body’s natural lubrication system. In fact, that’s precisely why the types of lubricants moms might get the most benefit from can change over time (more on that below).
Essentially, every woman has a different pattern of arousal and what brings her pleasure. No matter what yours is, lube is there to support you in feeling the best you possibly can during sex and intimacy. Reeves confirmed, “The point of being intimate with a partner (or yourself!) is to connect with our natural desire and experience pleasure. Lube is merely a tool for making that pleasure and intimacy more accessible.”
Besides, the expression “wetter is better” exists for a reason. Why not see for yourself whether that’s true or not? Reeves said she wishes she could tell all moms, “Our bodies are remarkably good at telling us what they need: If they need a little (or a lot!) of lube to have a sexy, slippery experience, then so be it!” So what are you waiting for? Let’s start shopping!
Ingredients to look for (and avoid) in lube
Like with everything we’re shopping for these days, we’re inundated with sexual lubricant options. It might seem daunting to begin figuring out the “best” ones, but once you know what to look for, it’s a lot easier. “A lot of popular brands contain harmful ingredients like petroleum, alcohol, parabens, and glycerin,” Reeves cautioned. Instead, “Look for a short list of simple ingredients that you can recognize, like plant or seed oils, pure aloe vera, and natural botanical extracts.”
A high-quality lubricant contains clean, botanical-based, and organic ingredients for most, if not all, of its formula. In addition to the non-body safe ingredients mentioned above, avoid formulas with added fragrances, since those can be irritating as well. Reeves suggested identifying brands that use natural moisturizing ingredients for added comfort, like coconut oil, aloe vera, or omega-3 fatty acids. Medical-grade silicone can be a safe option, too.
As a general rule of thumb, “Don’t be fooled by luxe packaging or higher price points: Many ‘luxury’ brands are still filled with the same harmful chemicals as less pricey brands,” Reeves urged. Stick to purchasing lubes that feature healthy ingredients compatible with the human body. You’re in luck because those are exactly the type of best lubes for moms we’re here to recommend to you.
Are there discreet options for when kids are around?
Sex and motherhood can be tricky. For all the mamas who don’t want their kiddos getting too curious about the shampoo or body wash they don’t recognize, fear not. Reeves highlighted, “We’ve come a long way in terms of discreet, minimalist packaging for sexual wellness products. For example, Foria uses gorgeous, eco-friendly glass bottles that blend right into your medicine cabinet (which I love), and other brands have done a really nice job of making their products look like a chic hand lotion or body oil.” Luckily, many of the most innocent-looking sexual lubricant bottles are also some of the cleanest.
Best Clean Lubes
Clean beauty, clean eating, clean everything is trending. It’s about time! Typically when something is “clean” as far as hygiene, cosmetic, food, or household cleaning products go, it’s in its simplest, most natural form. The ingredient list doesn’t read like a novel, and most of what it contains is pronounceable. It’s also free of noxious and artificial chemicals or additives. That’s exactly what clean lubes are like, and fortunately, plenty of quality manufacturers understand that’s what pleasure seekers are looking for.
When I worked at an adult store and had customers test water-based lubes by closing their eyes and rubbing various options between their fingers, this one was always the winner. With a short list of ingredients that includes purified water and natural plant cellulose, it makes sense they were wowed by Hydra’s ultra-silky feel.
We love Foria’s commitment to creating the crème de la crème of body-safe personal lubricants. In fact, we adore them so much that we’ve celebrated their intimacy products as some of our favorites. This sex oil is pure and simple: formulated with only two ingredients—organic hemp extract and MCT coconut oil—you’re not going to find a smoother, cleaner, or more sexually rejuvenating lube than this.
As one of the first companies to embrace the clean lube market, you can’t go wrong with Good Clean Love’s line of intimacy products. This one’s plant-based products are intended to mimic the body’s natural moisture while also adding extra hydration.
Besides making quality vibrators with women’s pleasure in mind, Dame makes this fantastic water-based lubricant. With organic plant extracts, including aloe leaf juice for added moisture and the reduced likelihood of irritation, you’re in for a silky and safe intimate experience.
Don’t let the no-nonsense packaging make you judge a book by its cover. With only four ingredients, Water Slide is one of the cleanest, smoothest water-based lubes on the market. It’s the kind of lubricant where no matter how much of it you apply, it has a wonderful feel that never turns sticky.
This company is all about vaginal wellness, so you can absolutely count on their organic lube to take care of you down there. Besides boosting hydration with its agave extract, it also feels soothing to play with thanks to its chamomile extract.
Best OB-GYN-Recommended Lubes
OB-GYNs are some of the most credible professionals out there when it comes to taking care of our lady parts. For that, the lubricants they recommend are certainly worth considering as you discover what works best with your vulva and experience of pleasure. When we asked Dr. Soha S. Patel, an OB-GYN and Assistant Professor at Vanderbilt University Medical Center’s Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology, she advised looking for approved nonhormonal lubricants. Here are a few faves.
Sometimes, silicone lubricant gets a bad rep because it’s not plant-based. However, when it’s responsibly created and of medical-grade quality, it’s often desirable because it has a far silkier feel than water- or oil-based alternatives. Plus, it has a superior staying power that makes reapplication less frequent. Uberlube has been trusted in the medical profession for years, and it’s hard not to be impressed by how pleasant and non-greasy their lube feels.
Formulated by one of the most eco-minded sexual wellness companies, Maude boasts that their organic aloe- and water-based lube is “formulated for the ideal osmolality of the body.” Indeed, it’s a fabulous formula that will keep your intimate areas well moisturized and comfortable during sex. OB-GYNs appreciate it because of how much Maude emphasizes their commitment to careful testing and using the least amount of (clean) preservatives possible.
AH! YES’s organic water-based formula is another reliable option for supporting your vulva’s hydration and pleasure while maintaining a list of mostly plant-based organic ingredients. (Let’s face it, small amounts of safe preservatives are inevitable even in the cleanest of formulas.) If you’re looking for a lube with a slick feel that won’t burn or disrupt your pH, this is it.
Best Pregnancy/Breastfeeding-Safe Lubes
You might not have given a second thought to the nature of your chosen lubricants pre-pregnancy. However, once you’re growing a little one, you start paying more attention to anything and everything you put on or in your body. Like the skincare do’s and don’ts when you’re pregnant or breastfeeding, you definitely want to be mindful of which lubes you’re using. If you’re breastfeeding, you might notice you’re drier than usual down there and find lube particularly refreshing.
As was mentioned earlier, the mucosal membranes of your vulva are very sensitive. They can easily absorb and send what comes into contact with them to the bloodstream. So, it’s extra important to be cautious and aim for lubes deemed safe for you and baby. While this list can serve as inspiration, it’s always best to check with your care provider for the green light.
When you’re pregnant or breastfeeding, you have the highest standards for ingredient lists. With a number of ingredients you can count on one hand, Sliquid’s H2O is a no-brainer for a clean, straightforward formula that’s not going to disturb your or baby’s wellness.
As described above, this stellar water-based lubricant offers maximum comfort and a smooth glide. It practically invites you to apply more of it. What’s even better is that it’s the simplest water-based formula I know of, meaning less opportunity for any irritants to affect you or baby.
Okay, while not technically a lube per se, coconut oil has been touted as a great option for sexual lubrication because it’s a single plant-based ingredient in its purest form. It’s moisturizing and can last longer than water-based lubes. Since consuming coconut can even benefit pregnancy and breastfeeding, it’s safe to use as lube during that time (as long as you’re not allergic). Opt for organic and virgin or extra virgin coconut oils, as they have been minimally processed.
Best Lubes for Postpartum Sex
Postpartum sex is a sexual league of its own. Everybody rediscovers their spark for intimacy differently, and the timeline for doing so is at least as different. Regardless, if and when you’re ready to start engaging in sex again postpartum, Reeves said that the extra moisturizing and comforting effects of silicone or oil-based lubes can be nice starting points. She further suggested that if you’re no longer breastfeeding, a CBD-infused lube can offer even more comfort, as it supports relaxation and arousal.
Want to stick with a water-based lube, but standard formulas just don’t feel hydrating enough? A water-based option with a gel-like consistency can be a welcome alternative. As the name says, Wicked’s is simple and bound to stick around.
The advantage of choosing a coconut oil-based lube over straight up coconut oil is that it has been formulated specifically for sensual play. This one by Woo More Play is one of the most popular coconut options currently available. In addition to organic coconut oil, they’ve added beeswax and stevia to lend extra TLC for your most sensitive tissues.
As noted, Uberlube has been physician-endorsed and is an excellent choice if you prefer a lube that feels more silky rather than wet or slick. Since you may benefit from extra lubrication when you’re postpartum, silicone can help maintain moisture during sexual activity. Nothing compares to Uberlube in terms of being a high-quality lube with no greasy residue. Fun fact, it also works like a charm for taming frizzy hair!
If coconut oil or silicone lubricant feels a bit too oily to you, Coconu’s water-based lube offers the nourishing benefits of coconut in a lighter formula. Its organic coconut water can help add moisture for any postpartum dryness, and its overall consistency is smooth and feels remarkably similar to the vulva’s natural lubrication.
Best Fertility-Friendly Lubes
If you’re trying to conceive, then it helps to focus on creating an environment in your vulva that supports sperm. For instance, the harsh and artificial lubricant ingredients you want to avoid can also make for a suboptimal sperm environment. Additionally, since oil- and silicone-based lubes are more viscous (thicker), they aren’t the best choice either because they can limit sperm motility.
You can certainly abstain from lube altogether. Yet research has shown that comfort and enjoyment during sex can increase your success at conceiving. For many women, incorporating lube is the trick to taking pleasure up a notch. So, having a clean, sperm-friendly one you can rely on can’t hurt. Again, it’s still always a good idea to check with your healthcare provider to be sure you’re supporting your TTC journey.
Despite the popularity of various fertility lubes out there, the only one we could find by a company truly committed to both body-safe and organic ingredients is Good Clean Love’s. Though you’ll see that the ingredient list contains more chemicals than your typical clean lubricant, that’s because they all have a hand in making sperm happy. Given the manufacturer’s credibility, you can rest assured they’ve selected everything with care.
Best Lubes for Fun/Exploration
The spotlight might not be limited to your women’s health-related care and considerations. Moms just wanna have a little fun and try something different, at least as much as the rest! You could experiment with something flavorful, tingly, or well-suited for some anal play. If you’re hoping to add a dash of spice to your sex life, a fresh bottle of lube can be just the seasoning.
Another Foria gem, this arousal oil is similar to their CBD sex oil, but it’s going to extra-awaken your senses down there. Alongside organic MCT coconut oil and hemp extract, there is an infusion of botanicals like cinnamon, ginger, and peppermint to increase your vulva’s sensitivity and take stimulation to new heights.
For something edible and tasty for oral play, you can feel good about licking up Honeypot Co’s organic strawberry-flavored lube.
If you’re down for exploring the back door with anal play, Sliquid’s Sassy formula is a thicker version of their H2O lube. That means you’re getting that same super clean ingredient list, but with your rear’s lubrication needs in mind.
Can’t decide on a lube du jour? Try a bundle by Bijoux Indiscrets, a woman-founded company with chic appeal and high quality lubes all around. This four-piece set includes their classic water-based lubricant, as well as aloe vera, hyaluronic acid, and coconut water-based options, so you can indulge and meet your perfect match.
