"As someone who loves to travel, I assumed I’d be one of those moms who casually drops the baby off with her grandparents while jaunting off to a relaxing vacation or fun night out. But a couple years into motherhood, when my daughter was a toddler, the only time I’d been away from her was the two nights I was in the hospital giving birth to her little brother.
Leaving your baby for any allotted amount of time can be tough for a new mom—whether it’s traveling overnight or leaving them with a caregiver for your first date night out of the house. As a newborn, they’re in constant need of you. It’s an adjustment, to say the least. When the time comes to part for a little while, it can be a little difficult to navigate. I’d love to blame my attachment on her solely needing me, but simply put, I have a hard time leaving my baby. If you feel nervous about leaving your little ones, whether it’s with your partner or another caregiver, you aren’t alone. It’s perfectly normal to feel a level of anxiety when breaking from routine and leaving your baby, especially for the first time. There are ways to emotionally and logistically ease your mind as you prepare to leave that’ll make the experience smoother for everyone.
You may be leaving your baby with your partner, a family member, or another caregiver. For consistency’s sake, I’m going to be referencing a partner, but most of the same tips apply to whoever is watching your little one. Here are 10 tips to help you prepare for your first time away from the baby:
1. Understand and accept another caregiver will do things differently
We all parent in our own unique ways, and that also goes for you and your partner. As aligned as you may be on your parenting philosophies, they’ll inevitably do some things differently from you, and that’s OK because children are adaptable. Perhaps their schedules won’t be the same as when you parent, meals won’t be as balanced, and there might be more screen time than the average day. Allow your partner to do things their way and know that they love your child, they’re doing things the best way they see fit, and everyone will be fine.
2. Voice your biggest worries
A fellow new mom passed along this piece of advice. She had a handful of anxieties when it came to the safety of her child. Instead of a long lecture on what to do and what not to do (though, of course, you’ll want to give some guidelines), she made sure to explain her fears. Talking it through gave her the space to get these emotions off her chest and allowed her partner to understand where she was coming from with her worries, which could help ease some anxiety.
3. Do a trial run
Leaving your baby the first time can bring up a lot of emotions—for you, your partner, and your baby. Do a shorter trial run beforehand. It’ll hopefully make you feel better about the upcoming longer separation. It’ll also make your partner feel confident that they can handle it.
4. Figure out how your partner/caregiver thrives
Do they want a schedule written out down to the minute? Or would they prefer a more casual approach? You want your partner to feel confident in their abilities, and you also want to ensure that everything is handled by the time you walk out the door. Discuss the approach that’ll make both of you feel good about the situation and support your partner in any way possible.
5. Write down your schedule for a few days
If you’re the one who spends more time with your baby than your partner, there are probably things you do throughout your day that are second nature to you. All of these small things might add up to the bulk of your routine with the baby.
My husband is a very involved dad, but I’m the primary caregiver, so it’s natural that I know more about our baby than he does. After all, I am home with her all day, every day. That doesn’t mean he can’t properly care for her, it just means that I’ve learned a lot in our journey together, and I don’t always share all of the little details with my husband.
If your partner wants to be armed with lots of information, thoroughly think through your days. For a couple of days, take notes every few hours so those smaller details don’t slip through the cracks. If this isn’t how your partner thrives, you can always write it down and give it to them with the caveat that the information’s there if they want it, but they don’t need to follow every sentence.
6. Schedule a time for yourself to check-in
As soon as you’ve left the nest, you may find yourself wanting to constantly check-in to see how your baby is doing. In order to give yourself boundaries and boost confidence in your partner, set a scheduled time for yourself to check-in on how they’re doing. This will allow you to enjoy your time away in a productive way.
7. Explain your priorities
Your partner or caregiver is likely going to do things differently than you do, and that’s totally fine. But if there are important elements of your baby’s routine that you really prefer that they follow, let them know. Don’t worry about a bath every night or a clean house. Instead, focus on things like naps at the right time, sticking to a feeding schedule, or anything else that’s important to your child’s health, well-being, and mood. For example, if you know that skipping a certain nap leads to a fussy baby, make sure they know.
8. Leave a list of important contacts
It’s hard to predict when unexpected things come up that neither you nor your partner didn’t anticipate, like an illness or a sudden emergency. What if your partner needs to leave to take one child to the emergency room? Is there another person you can leave your other kids with? I’m not saying this will always happen, but it’s nice to be prepared. Collectively come up with a list of contacts with names, phone numbers, and addresses that you both feel comfortable reaching out to. Maybe a trusted family member or a neighbor. Also, having your pediatrician’s or other specialists’ phone numbers and addresses ready in times like this is helpful, especially if you have a child with a chronic illness.
9. Set yourself up for success
Leaving baby for the first time is a parenting milestone. Document your time away. It can be in the form of journaling or taking pictures. When there are times you miss your baby, I found it easy to pull up pictures on my phone. Also, think about the things that bring you joy and haven’t had much time to do. Do you like to read? Update your Kindle list or bring a physical copy of that book you’ve been wanting to read. Listen to podcasts or catch up on the latest Netflix series everyone has been talking about. These are good distractions when you find yourself missing your family back at home.
While you’ve set your partner up for success, make sure to be prepared, too. If you’re currently breastfeeding, don’t forget to pack your pump parts and the supplies that come with it. Having a backup is also helpful in the case that your primary pump doesn’t work like a haakaa or a manual breast pump. Figure out how you’ll transport your breastmilk back home and look up current TSA policies, too. Traveling out of the country with breastmilk can differ from country to country.
10. Remember that this will be good for everyone
Maybe tears will be shed on your first night away from your baby. And maybe you’ll be up thinking about what your family is doing at home. It’s totally normal. Even with the influx of emotions, remind yourself that this is a good experience for everyone. Your partner is enjoying quality time with the baby, the baby is learning to trust someone besides you, and hopefully, you’re off doing something that’s good for you, too.
As mothers, especially new mothers, we so rarely take time for ourselves. It may be hard to leave your baby at home, but try to enjoy the time away. Take the girls’ trip, the date night with your partner, or the much-needed alone time. Even if it’s to travel for a work trip, relish any extra sleep, embrace how much you love and miss your baby, and hopefully, you’ll return home refreshed and ready to jump into motherhood with renewed excitement.
Amanda Shapin Michelson, Former Editor
Amanda is a writer specializing in health, wellness, and motherhood. She recently wrote the book Pregnancy Hacks, sharing tips to comfortably get through the major ups and downs of pregnancy. She currently works for Babylist and lives in Maryland with her husband, kids Millie, Ezra, and Sloane, and pup Ollie.
Patty Schepel, Editorial Intern
As the editorial intern, Patty works with The Everymom’s team on pitches, creating original articles, updating existing content, photo sourcing, writing shopping product descriptions, inputting freelance articles, and more. When she’s not working, you can find her spending time with her family, training for half marathons—she ran one 16 weeks pregnant—traveling, cooking, reading a rom-com, and keeping her sourdough starter, Rose, alive.