Babies and toddlers may get the nostalgia, and teenagers get the attention, but the years in between deserve their moment, too. These middle childhood years—spanning ages 6 to 12—are full of cognitive development, memorable milestones, and sweet surprises, too.
For example, the other day, my 8-year-old daughter dragged our coffee table across the floor and replaced it with her Nugget play couches. “This is where we’ll sleep,” she announced during planning for her first sleepover with her longtime bestie. The slumber party was still four days away, but she was already rehearsing the details. When the day came, she and her friend dressed up in matching Lilo & Stitch pajamas, built forts, then curled up to watch the Disney+ movie, Young Woman and the Sea.
Right before I retired for the night, I peeked into the living room, listening to them whispering long after bedtime, while silently hoping they’d fall asleep before midnight and sleep until at least 7 a.m. so they wouldn’t be complete cranks the next day. It reminded me of my own late nights spent with my childhood bestie talking until all hours. And that’s when it hit me. I really love watching my children during these middle childhood years.
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Entering the middle childhood years
I grieved the end of the baby and toddler years long before they ended. The newborn snuggles. First drooly smiles and babbled words. Chunky thighs and unsteady steps. It was sacred, and I wanted it to last forever.
But what I’ve found here in the middle years is that they are full of some of the most beautiful childhood gifts of all. They aren’t babies or teenagers; they’re just … kids.
What is considered “middle childhood?”
These years are easy to overlook because the childhood milestones aren’t as obvious as a baby’s first steps or a teenager’s first time behind the wheel. But don’t be fooled: some of a child’s most important development takes place during the ages of 6 to 12.
Developmentally, growth is slowing down, but cognitive and emotional development is ramping up, shares licensed clinical social worker Kara Kushnir. That looks like more independence, deeper friendships, and discovering what they’re good at. Licensed marriage and family therapist Stacy Sheller describes it as the shift from “Tell me what to do” to “Help me find out.”
“Developmentally, growth is slowing down, but cognitive and emotional development is ramping up.”
Clinical psychologist Max Doshay, PsyD, says they’re also comparing themselves to their peers in this stage, often wondering, “How good am I at this compared to my peers?”
“It’s actually one of the most critical periods for developing and reinforcing many of the beliefs kids will take with them into adolescence—about their ability, worth, and capacity to recover from adversity,” says Doshay. “While major milestones get much attention, the majority of influential experiences occur on a daily basis through caregiver interaction.”
In other words, the middle years don’t come with many headline-making milestones, but they’re actually shaping who our children will become.
Mothering in middle childhood
Watching my children grow through this stage, I’ve come to appreciate these years for their subtle changes. Here’s why middle childhood is a golden stage.
They’re becoming their own person
It’s summer now, and my daughter can easily spend all day listening to audiobooks like Little Women, Wind in the Willows, and Anne of Green Gables on her new Yoto mini player. “Ann with an e,” she says with a playful smile.
She’s discovering her interests and gifts too: ballet, tumbling, learning to draw, playing piano, and writing poetry.
This is the same stage her older brother taught himself the ukulele and immersed himself in “Comic Book Land,” reading the Calvin and Hobbes complete collection (best investment I ever made!) for endless hours, even drawing his own comic series.
These middle years are ripe for self-discovery and hobby-building. Free from adult worries and (mostly) still free of caring too deeply about what others think, they have the space to stumble into passions and hobbies that may stay with them their whole life.
“These middle years are ripe for self-discovery and hobby-building…They have the space to stumble into passions and hobbies that may stay with them their whole life.”
The conversations change, too
Recently, driving across town, my 13-year-old son introduced the subject of cults. So, as age-appropriately as possible, I explained to them what they are, what to look out for, and how even smart people can fall into one.
They asked probing, curious questions, and it struck me how exciting it is that we can have deeper, more intellectual and world-broadening conversations. As a parent, there’s a real privilege to being part of these moments.
The middle years are also wonderfully contradictory
My daughter bikes in the neighborhood with her older brother and their friends. She’ll happily watch her 3-year-old brother or complete a complicated craft following the instructions. And yet, at a friend’s house, she still wants me to walk her to the bathroom because she’s scared to go alone. She still reaches for my hand, lets me kiss her in public, and tells her that I love her.
For just a little while, they are independent enough to do things for themselves, but not enough that they don’t need you—it’s this fleeting time of getting the best of both worlds.
“For just a little while, they are independent enough to do things for themselves, but not enough that they don’t need you—it’s this fleeting time of getting the best of both worlds.”
Activities like family nights are more fun
My daughter just taught me to play the card game Speed—and now she beats me half the time. This weekend, we came up to my parents’ house with a close friend, and her 10-year-old son also beat my dad in a serious game of chess.
That night, I taught them both how to play “Spicy Uno,” and they caught on right away. We’ve also spent hours negotiating, arguing, and battling it out in ferocious rounds of Settlers of Catan.
Family board games are actually fun at this stage—no having to pretend as we did in the Chutes and Ladders and Candyland phase.
And that’s just the thing—a lot of things are more fun in this stage. Road trips. Amusement parks. Movie nights. Eating at restaurants. It’s all better and easier.
Why I’m soaking up the middle childhood years
I know that someday the Nugget blanket forts will come down. Hand-holding with your mom won’t be cool. And those Lilo and Stitch pajamas? Hand-me-downs.
That’s why I’m savoring these middle childhood years and remembering to appreciate them with all I’ve got.
Kris Ann Valdez, Contributing Writer
Kris Ann Valdez is a mom and freelance journalist who covers parenting, lifestyle, and science-based topics. Beyond The Everymom, Kris Ann contributes to national outlets such as Good Housekeeping, Parents, and Scary Mommy. She’s also the creator of “The Guide Girl,” a Substack dedicated to inspiring writers to pursue publication.
