"As much as I love being a parent, the sheer volume of kid’s stuff that has entered my home can feel suffocating. It is, without exaggeration, everywhere—from the overflowing toy bins in the corner to the smattering of sharp, tiny toys underfoot to the little coats hanging on every surface.
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So, as we pack up our things to move into a new house, I’m finding myself once again confronted with the tough decision to give away as much as I can bring myself to part with. Here’s what I’m considering about getting rid of the baby stuff when I’m undecided about having a second child.
Reality check: there’s not enough space
Despite my temptation to hold onto every little thing in case we have a second kid, I just cannot do it. It’s not an easy choice. If I had a huge house and was absolutely sure I wanted more kids, it’d make practical sense to save all her things. On top of the money it’d take to get everything again, accumulating all that stuff requires heaps of energy and time that I don’t have. But we’re not moving into a huge house, and what storage is there, I’d rather use for… I don’t know… anything! Stashes of paper towels, even!
What’s more, I’ve come to realize that kids are constantly acquiring still (!) more (!) stuff (!) With every birthday or holiday comes more toys, more books, more everything, and it fills every nook and cranny of my home. We simply don’t have the space. If I had kept every single item we’ve acquired since I became pregnant, it would be enough to fill an entire studio apartment.
Taking the pressure off deciding
But there’s an even more abstract reason it feels liberating to part with stuff, and that’s precisely because we’re undecided about family size. If I sacrifice valuable storage for boxes of kid items, it’s as if I’m sending myself the message that there will inevitably be a new person to use it all. That decision is already so fraught and complicated, so tied up with money and mental health and time and societal expectations, that I don’t want any more pressure to go that direction. I may yet decide it’s the right choice, but I want the choice to be truly my own and not informed by a sense of pressure—external or self-imposed. Every year since my child was born, I’ve thought, “This year, I’ll make that decision.” Then life gets complicated, and I punt on it again.
Passing it on to other families in need
In the meantime, there are so many people who could be using her things now. I’d rather new parents get relief from the expenses and the struggle today than let all of our stuff grow dust in a basement. That’s why I gave away a huge heap of things the last time we moved—most of which I gave to a stranger I came across in a Facebook group for single mothers. Much of our gear and baby clothes had been acquired secondhand anyway, so it gave me joy to pass it along to someone who needed it.
Getting rid of the gear is the best part. I think I shouted for joy when I kicked our giant baby pen to the curb (almost literally… someone came to pick it up outside). It felt like I was instantly granted a larger living room. Same with the self-rocking swing that was regularly the source of toe-stubbings. Clothes and some toys are admittedly harder to part with because they hold sentimental value. But even then, I don’t regret once they’re gone.
What I’m keeping
Even as we’re undecided about a second child, there are exceptions to the rule. We’ll keep the outfit our child came home from the hospital in, of course, as well as the first Christmas dress, a handful of newborn onesies that are just too special to give away, hand-knitted blankets, and more.
That said, there is a distinct charm in passing things on to close friends when they have kids, as others did for me. It’s such an easy way to help them, and when a friend sends a photo of her baby in the little romper I gave her, it gives me a sense of connection and continuity. I stared at those little rompers for so many hours already that I was tired of looking at them anyway. If we do have another baby, I might want some fresh little outfits to stare at all day.
If we have a second child, I know I’ll be able to get back at least some of the stuff I loaned out, and I’m confident in my ability to thrift and source the rest from local Facebook groups like Buy Nothing. But for the most part, passing much of it along frees up so more space—in my house and in my mind.
Annie Atherton, Contributing Writer
Annie is a mom and writer covering parenting, culture, women, and work. In addition to The Everymom, her writing has appeared in The Atlantic, The Washington Post, the BBC, Insider, Seattle Magazine, The Seattle Times, Travel+Leisure, Romper, and Scary Mommy. She’s particularly interested in questions of how people can design their lives and traditions in accordance with their values.