"As a mom of two new kindergarteners, I’m quickly realizing one thing: Back-to-school season is not for the faint of heart. Walking your kids through multiple transitions—from summer vacation to the structure of school, to a new grade with increased responsibilities and expectations, to new teachers, and potentially a new school setting—it’s just not easy. For us or for our kids.
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For some of us—especially parents of preschoolers or young elementary schoolers—walking kids through those transitions may involve a lot of emotional support. In theory, supporting kids emotionally is easy. You offer lots of hugs and reassurance; you act as the steady and stable home base they return to each day. But in practice? That’s when it gets tricky. Especially when your child’s emotional outburst comes during the chaos of school mornings when you’re barely making it out the door, only for your child to completely melt down once you reach the drop-off line or bus stop.
It’s not only heartbreaking to see your kid crying at school drop-off, it’s also extremely stressful. You’re worried about a million things, like getting yourself to work on time, not holding up the drop-off line, and most of all, whether or not your kid is going to be alright without you all day long.
Crying at school drop-off is common
But here’s the good news: Your kid is not the only one who is struggling with this transition… and chances are, it won’t last for long. According to Ann Brackemyer, a kindergarten teacher and mom of four, having a tough time right before the school day starts is “absolutely” common during back-to-school season.
“Many children have a difficult time adjusting from summer break to school. They have to get used to a new schedule and new environment,” says Brackemyer. Here’s what else to know if your child is crying at school drop-off.
Ann Brackemyer, Kindergarten Teacher
Ann Brackemyer is a kindergarten teacher and mom of four also helping parents and teachers with her engaging content on Instagram @kbcrayons.
The tears usually stop quickly
In speaking to parents of kids who’ve struggled at drop-off, one thing seems consistent: Most of these kids struggle with the transition from home to school yet adjust quickly and are very happy as soon as they actually get inside the school.
According to Brackemyer, this is pretty typical. At many schools, the drop-off line can be really stressful—it’s essentially a game of hurry up and wait when you spend time stalled in that line before reaching the front of it, at which point you have to scramble to get your child out of the car.
As much as you’re thinking about your child crying at school drop-off, you’re also cognizant of not holding up that long line of other parents who are parked behind you. And if you’re dropping your child off at a bus stop, you have to get them on board quickly so as not to hold up the bus (or risk your child missing it altogether).
While you may feel heartless for doing so, keeping the goodbye quick is essential—not just to get your child and their peers into school on time but also for your kid’s well-being.
“Parents who linger and won’t let their child go make it worse for the child, parent, and teacher,” says Brackemyer. “I always tell my students, one more quick hug, and then the parent needs to walk away. The students usually settle down a lot quicker [that way].”
What you do before drop-off matters
With that being said, there are things you can do before drop-off to help set your child up for a smooth goodbye (and day ahead).
“For young children, I like to use ‘cutie cuffs’ like small stuffed animals around their wrists or even backpacks,” suggests Brackemyer. “I put one around their arm to give them a little friend for comfort. I have heard of parents putting hair ties or bracelets around their children to help comfort them and let them know they will be thinking of them all day.”
Setting the stage for a positive day can start as soon as your kid wakes up: You can make a breakfast they love, set out an outfit that makes them feel comfortable, and most importantly, stick to a routine.
“Be consistent and keep the same schedule; this really eases students’ minds at drop off and pick up. If they ride the bus, have them ride the bus every day. If you pick them up, pick them up every day. This makes students feel safe and know their parent is going to be there, and keeps the tears less,” suggests Brackemyer.
Keeping the mornings as low-stress as possible sets your kid off on the right foot, too. Getting all the logistical stuff (like choosing outfits, prepping lunches, and packing the backpack up) out of the way the night before can help with this. That way, the hour or so before school starts can be spent having a filling breakfast and maybe even sneaking in a few minutes to read a story, do some affirmations, or have a little dance party.
It can be tempting to let your child stay home
Listen, it’s entirely tempting to relent and let your child stay home if they’re crying before school and begging not to go. And of course, kids should stay home if they’re sick or dealing with a serious issue, but letting them stay home just because they don’t want to go? That may not serve them well in the long run, according to Brackemyer.
“Be strong, parents! It is stressful for students and parents,” she says. “Be consistent, and don’t give in to your child, as hard as that is. If you give in one day and let them stay home from school, they will try it again, and it won’t be any easier to drop them off at school.”
Advocating for your child is a great idea
When you start a new year with a new teacher (or perhaps at a new school entirely), it’s not just an adjustment for the kids but for the parents as well. It’s really hard when your child is spending hours with a teacher who is completely unfamiliar to you. When you don’t have a rapport established with that teacher, and that line of communicating isn’t already there, it’s especially disordering to get a sense of how your child is doing at school.
But as both a teacher and mom, Brackemyer “absolutely” suggests that parents check in with the teacher and advocate for their child if they notice them struggling in the morning.
“Always advocate for your child,” she says. “This is what teachers are here for. If you have a concern, ask your teacher.”
Obviously, teachers have a lot on their plates, and it’s natural to want to avoid asking them to do one more thing. But reaching out if you have any questions or concerns about your child crying at school drop-off—or about any other concerns—is perfectly acceptable. It’s more just a matter of how you can communicate most effectively.
“There are many ways to communicate with your teacher, so make sure you ask the teacher the best way they can be reached,” says Brackemyer. “I like to send short videos to the parents if their child had a hard time at drop off. This eases a parent’s mind for the rest of the day. Often, kids act so [differently] at home and at school, so when I send videos to parents, they feel at ease knowing their child is safe and happy.”
If your child seems truly miserable before (or after) school, there are steps you can take
Students can get a little extra help from the school, and as a parent, advocating for your kid can help them get that extra assistance.
“When students won’t quit crying and need more coping skills, most schools have guidance counselors that can [talk to and] help the students calm down,” says Brackemyer. “Guidance counselors provide such quality skills [for] children that help them settle down, and if there is more to the story, they will provide the help the students need.”
Typically, the before-school struggle won’t last very long
Adjusting to a new routine and environment is not easy. It’s scary, it’s overwhelming, and it’s unfamiliar for kids and parents alike. But the good news is that the adjustment period is temporary in most cases—for some kids, it may take weeks or months, while others will only have a tough time on that first day. Of course, if your parental instincts tell you something isn’t right, you have to pursue that. But chances are, your kid will snap into their new routine just fine, and it won’t take long.
Zara Hanawalt, Contributing Writer
Zara is a twin mom and freelance journalist with over a decade of experience covering parenting, women’s health, and culture. In addition to The Everymom, she’s written for outlets like Vogue, Marie Claire, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Parents, Shape, Motherly, The New York Times for Kids, What to Expect, and many others. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, cooking, travel, watching TV, and trying new restaurants.